The Army Wife I Didn't Want To Be

        When my now husband and I started talking about marriage. I read all of the negative things about Army wives. 

   

       The blogs about the wives who home school their kids. Who wear yoga pants all the time. Who shop at the local farmers market. Those wives who are stay at home doing play dates. Spend their days taking their kids to the pool and the local parks. Those wives who spend their time at FRG meetings and bake sales.

     Those wives that wear yoga pants all the time though you know they don't do yoga. The ones that home school there kids and do every craft on pinterest. Those wives that they volunteer for the FRG and every volunteer position on post. The kind that are stay at home wives who don't seem to have a life out side of their husband and kids. 

               That was the kind of wife I with out a doubt DID NOT want to be.

  So I did what every wife in that position does. I read all the books I could get my hands on. To learn how to NOT be that kind of wife. Fearing that I too would end up on one of those stupid " Dear Dependa " Facebook pages. You know the ones I'm talking about those pages that post. All the things people send into them about the wives of every branch. Doing what they see as pretty much " bad Military Wife " behavior. 

    

       Those pages give all of the Military wives a bad name. They are disrespectful and just a low down dirty group of unhappy people in my opinion. I feel like the only wives who like those type of pages are the wives or disgruntled ex husbands. Of wives who have cheated or other wise totally broke their hearts.

      I feared that I would be everything I had seen other wives be. Or so I thought.....

      After all the books , all the blogs and everything I heard from other wives. I found out the one thing that I didn't know or didn't think about.

   

  Being a mom is hard! .... being a single mom is beyond hard.... but being a married single mom well that is the hardest!

    No doubt about it I as single mother for 8 very long years .... FORGOT how hard it is. I never thought that all these Army ( Military ) wives were pretty much married single moms. Yes they are married,  Yes I know that means they aren't single. However with husband's who work all the time, deploy for months to a year or longer at a time. Who deal with being a good wife all while being mom and dad most the time. To Their kids  While nurturing  the  relationship between the kids and their father. They flock to the FRG and other volunteers positions to full their time. While their husband us away and so that they can get out of the house. That they can have their own lives out side of their home and give back to their community.

      Those wives wear yoga pants all the time isn't because they are lazy or slobs. It's because yoga pants are freaking comfy and when your life is all about your kids. Who really cares what they look like when your day is filled with babies, cleaning and cooking. Yoga pants are Awesome  lol. 

  

       Those Military wives who homeschool and don't seem to have a life out side of their kids and husband. Well that is simple to see the truth about once you drop your judgment. They homeschool their kids because they don't believe in the school public  system.   ( or for a million other reasons their are to homeschool everyone's is different. ) 

They make their families the center of their world because that's their heart. They are the ones that matter the most at the end if the day. They pick their kids to come first because even though they are blessed enough to have a had working loving husband. Their husbands work long hours and they don't want their kids to feel unloved. They don't want their kids to think that just because daddy works so much. That they are at all forgotten about. They just want to be their to give their kids the best education and life they can.

    For that I now know that all of those Military wives who I see all around. With their hair a hot mess, a large hoodie or tee shirt on. Wearing yoga pants and just trying to keep her kids from killing each other. In the middle of the commissary on pay day.

Those wives are just like you and I. Maybe they don't have it all together the way you try to make yourself think you have it all down. Maybe that wife your sitting their judging online because you think your better. Is just having a bad day or bad week while her husband is away. Maybe you need to drop what your doing and ask if she wants to hang out. Ask her how she is or see if she wants to grab a cup of coffee. Do what ever you would want someone to do or say if you were having a bad day.

     We are all Military wives no matter the branch. If you are a new wife or a pro at this life of ours.

      At the end of the day you don't know when you will blink and be " that wife ." You never know what she's going through or if maybe just a simple hi. Might change her day and your life forever.

I should know .... 2 years ago I never thought I would be nor did I want to be " that kind of wife ."  Yet here I stand .... or sit as it maybe the same wife I feared. Though through everything I find I am happy , blessed to have such an amazing husband and family. I might not look like a trophy wife , I might not have the cleanest house or have the perfect kids. I might not look like I have a life outside of my family. I definitely spend my days homeschooling my kids and feeling like I need a good nap. However I am happier then I have ever been. My family is my life with out a doubt and I wouldn't want it any other way. 

     From where I'm sitting life is good and gets better every day. I can't wait to see what tomorrow holds.

From Civilian Life To Military Wife

                           The New Life Of A Military Wife!

   Married Life in the Military is not what it use to be! The first things you need to know about being a Military Wife are life long lessons.

      I read all the books I could find on Military Life. All the books seemed to say the same thing over and over again.
    Here is what I learned about how to be a great Military Wife!
   

     
      * INDEPENDENCE
  
       The key to surviving a Military Life ( at least as the books all tell it ) .... When I first read that I laughed! Who would think that being independent would be the key to what some call a Dependent life.
      No I don't think that's the key to this life style though it is very much needed. You have to have your own life our side of your husband. You have to learn to spread your wings where ever the Military might take you. Get out of the house no matter what it might be and start building your life. Find a job, join a craft group, a running club. Whatever you are interested on as long as you are not sitting in the house every day. Simply waiting on your husband to get home from work day in and day out.

 


      * THE SISTERHOOD

       This is in my opinion the most important thing you can do. Put yourself out there in the world of Military spouses. No matter what your home branch happens to be. Army, Marines, Air Force, Navy or Cost Guard ( yes to me they are a branch ) Find your self a group of friends. There are sisterhoods out there for every branch. They are there to help you along your new journey. On every post there are Wives Clubs, FRG's  and other special clubs/groups. Get out there and make friends because you will need friends no matter what. .The days get long and lonely when your husband is away. Having friends who are in the same Military Life style as you are will help. They will be there to help you remember why you should smile. They  will help you remember why your part of this life. They will show you the strength of  the Military wife community when you need it the most. Let them love you, support you and don't be scared to be yourself.

  

      * RESPECT THE LIFE
       
      Though I can't say I agree with it so many people refer to spouses as " Dependents ." Or " Dependa " I dislike this word more then any other in the Military vocabulary. It is the most disrespectful word you could ever call me. I'm not a " dependa " simple because I'm a house wife. You have to respect the life and be greatful for it.  This life affords us each alot of advantages that we wouldn't normally have. We get health insurance ,( though who ever said its free lied ) life insurance,  and  an ID that gives is access to every Military instalation in the U.S. ( Yes you can get into other branches base/post. ( To the Army  it's called post ) Using your Military ID not just your branches base/post. We get to shop at the commissary and px. ( or whatever your branch calls it  for us Army Wives it's the PX ) These things are all a privileges and each and every one of us needs to remember to respect that. Those who don't respect the Military and privileges we get as Military spouses. Are often refered to as " dependas" and most of us all too often forget. That we are all dependants of the Military. No matter if you work or stay at home. You still have the same ID as the rest. So respect the life and all that comes with it. Don't complain about it because you never know when you can and will be kicked out of the life style.

  

      * PCS LOVE

   Yes you read that right, PCS Love! ( PCS means Permanent Change of Station ) What I mean by that is you need to learn to love pcsing. I know at first this can be so confusing and frustrating. You get to travel to places in the world. That you never dreamed you could go much less live. Pcsing can be one of the best times in your life or the worst. You get to learn new languages, see new places. You get to explore the world around you. If you chose to ,which I highly recommend. Every where you move there are tons if sites to see. We are luckly to live in a time where we can simply google. To find out about fun exciting things wait for us at our next duty station. Do your home work before you PCS and ask around about your new post. There are tons of Facebook pages/ groups for information about where ever your pcsing to. Use the resources at your disposal. Military Spouse pages and websites are there to help you.

    

      * FOLLOW THE RULES

     Yes there are rules of this Military Life we are all living or joining. Most of the rules are unwritten rules but nonetheless they are all important. Each rule is there for a reason and those who don't follow the rules. Seem to live unhappy short lived Military lives. The happiest wives from what I have seen and read follow the rules and set the standard for the rest of us. Etiquette is a big deal in this life style of ours. There are rules for every occasion and though some don't believe in following the rules. You should at least learn them. Don't think that you can avoid the rules or ignore the rules. They always catch up to you. You don't want to be stuck looking a fool because you don't know what you should or should do or wear at an event.