Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts

Sunday, August 5, 2018

The Search For Me With 23andMe


Saturday, January 10th, 1987

The day that started and changed everything for me.
It is where I started and where all of the lies and questions began to form.

Saturday, January 10th, 1987 was the day I was born.

From that moment on, every breath I would take and every moment I got I had to fight for. Not only from the normal things but from being a 35 weeker who was born about 4 pounds. A Mother who was a drug addict, with serious daddy issues. Who felt having kids would keep what ever man in her life. A woman who knew nothing of what it truly meant to be a mother to any of the children she birthed.

I fought to get a sense of myself and who I am  from a very young age. Feeling like everything I knew or thought I knew about my family was just more and more lies. As the years have gone by I have learned that the foundation of my " family. " Was based on lies that we were all told by my Grandmother, Mother and Father. To put it simply my grandmother was never married to my grandfather. He was married to another women in another state and had children with her. He was married to her until the day he died. ( before I was born ) This simple fact changed the way I seen my grandmother, not that I had a high opinion of her to start with. That fact explained so much for me about why my family was so small compared to the ones I grew up with. There was no family beyond my grandmother, my mother and her two sisters and older brother ( who lived in another state and we never got to see ) It explained why my grandmother wouldn't answer questions and why I had only seen a picture of my grand father once in my life. It explained why I have never gotten to meet any of the Rogers family that I was part of.

My mother was married to my father for years and he was around here and there. We spend a few summers with him but he was never a real dad. Never like the ones everyone else seemed to have nor was he like the step fathers and other men in my mothers life who seemed to come and go. He was there when he was there and not when he was not and that is just that. The information I know about his family is based on lies I am sure. My mother says that he put himself up for adoption, changed his name from what it once was and from there split from his adopted family. He has no relationship to anyone really from the way he tells it and that was a fight to get out of him as it was. He would rather cut his children out of his life instead of telling any of the 6 or 7 of us about our own family. I was always told he was Italian but that is all I know about him.

A few years ago I decided to really dig deep into where I am from and started researching. At which time I found out that my Grand father on my mothers side had yet another child ( number 11 ) in yet another state with another lady. Who was younger than my mother who was said to be his youngest child. I know that the Rogers family lives in West VA and that they have a family reunion every year. However my bio mother and other family I have no relationship with attends every year and that is why I am not ever going to get an invite. I found out that one of my great great ( many greats ) grand fathers was a Captin during the American Revolution. I started the search of proof for what I need to join the DAR ( Daughters of the American Revolution, an amazing non profit group ) In hopes that I can join and not only volunteer but find out more about my family.

I also found out that my Great grand father  Charles Rogers ( like 5 times to that great or maybe 4 )  came to American from Ireland. For what reason I am unsure as there seem to be a few different stories out there. But anyhow I know nothing really other than what I have found on different family tree websites along with a full family tree for the Rogers family leading all the way back to Charles Rogers but that is where I his a brick wall.

When it comes to my grandmothers side of the family on my mothers side I know pretty much nothing beyond my grand mothers maiden name.

.... So with all of this information I prayed for years about what to do and how I might have a chance at finding more answers. With hardly any information I know that this is very hard to do and I haven't known where to turn to next.

Well that is up until July 16th 2018 when I took a huge step that I have thought and prayed about many many times. I bought the 23andMe DNA and health test to find out if it is possible to find more information with out my family helping me.






On July 22nd, 2018 ( yes a Sunday because it was harder to send it than I thought. ) My amazing oldest daughter helped me by dropping it in the ' big blue thing. ' It was harder to take this step for me not because I don't want to know. It is because I am scared to death about it being another road block to  the answers I crave. I know that sounds so silly but I know not everyone has family members pop up on there. I also know some people have had issues getting results to find out what regions they are from. But here I am sitting and waiting for these results. I am about a week into the waiting process and it freaking sucks!




From what I have read this process can take any where from 6 to 8 weeks on average but I know that some people have had results in a less as 3 weeks. I of course am trying not to get my hopes up too much but it's hard to not get hopeful for early results. I am at the 1st green dot (2nd if your on a laptop but 1st on my cell ) as of this moment where they have not yet gotten my little box. ( Y'all the tracking number is pointless at this point when the updates from the USPS are total crap just saying it went from one place to the next but no longer say where the place is located. )

So that is where I am at and I will update as this process moves along. In hopes that I get some answers to the questions I have always had.

** Update so they are updating something and it will take even longer to get my results. That just not what anyone wants to wake up and read. When they are waiting on results that can answer so many questions they have asked all their lives. However at least I know that at some point I will get my results... maybe .... I think at least but it has felt like forever since I sent this little box off.  **



( all pictures used on this post are my property, do not use these pictures with out first getting written consent from me. )









Thursday, March 19, 2015

From Here To Korea... why you shouldn't stay behind



        Okay Lets get real!

   The hardest part about being a Military Spouse is the deployments and training. Yes I know so many people like to throw quotes out there like.


             " You knew what you were getting into when you married him dont complain "


                " Oh my husband goes out of town to work I know how you feel "

             
         "  I wish my husband would go out of town like that you are so lucky " 


" Y'all have so many benefits if we got everything for free like that I would be okay with my husband being gone all of the time " 

or my personal favorite  

" You get to email him, and video chat so its not as hard as you pretend it is "


No words have made me  angry as fast as those people out there who like to act like we have it easy.
I know we dont have it as hard as some people out there in the world
however dang it! being apart from your spouse is hard and sucks!

I will never forget the day my husband first told me he was going to be moving across the world.

Right after we got married my husband told me that he was going to be getting orders
some where new. He had no idea where or when he was going to leave. 

Days later we found out that my husband was going to be going to AIT!
Across the country to change his MOS and at some point from there
he would be finding out where he would be getting stationed at.

The worst part of all was he was going to have to leave on 
MY BIRTHDAY!

I was angry and hurt but I knew " what I signed up for "....
( complete crap if you ask me but thats another post lol )

The days passed quickly and before we knew it he was off to the Airport
I was crying my eyes out wishing for just one more day .... hour or anything.
Just so I could keep my newly wed husband for a little longer.

He boarded the plain and off he went to start his training
Little did I truly know just how much our lives
would be changing. 

He went through all of his training and come graduation day I sat and watched as they
marched in. One by one being called out.

Before I knew it , it was over and it was time to say good bye again.


( Photo shoot of me and my hubby at
Fort Leonard Wood MO ) 

He had gotten orders for South Korea and was leaving
shortly after graduation.

We talked about it often trying to decide if I should try to go with him. 

However with a custody battle and kids there was no chance of us being able to go.

His job took up pretty much all of his time and with the time difference it meant when we were able to talk that he had to lose sleep. How he made it through I truly don't know.I know he was my rock through the long day and even longer nights.

Were were one of the unlucky ones, my husband didnt get to have his mid tour leave.
through everything we dealt with his hardship tour to South Korea almost broke our family apart.
Not because of cheating , or because he was being dishonest but because we were apart. 

Only 6 weeks after getting married we were apart for 14 very long months. 

The idea that we could make it through the year in Korea was one thing but the reality of the matter is that you should never decide to stay back. You should be with your spouse every chance you can no matter what you have to do. There is no reason good enough to have to stay in a different country as your spouse for any period of time.

Take it from a a wife who struggled with it and a family that now has to deal with the after math.
Of our family being apart for way too long.

Trying to get back together and be a family is harder then you think.

The doctors say it takes about 6 months to get back into a normal routine where you can feel like your family is whole again. However who wants to go 6 months like that?

Who wants to watch their spouse seem lost, confused and all around hurt because he so use to being alone that being together seems painful?

I know that this is not everyones story of the hardship tour to Korea but its ours. 

If you have a story you would like to share of guest blog please email me at


CatholicHomeschoolingArmyWife@gmail.com 

I know I couldnt have made it through that year with out the support of the Army wives around me!
If you need someone remember Im here for you!