Information Every Wife Needs To Know!

            There are so many things to learn and I honestly can not get enough of the information. I am so an information junkie and I know it! 
However I hope that my being an information junkie will help those of you out there who don't stay online learning as much as you can about this life while your man is sleeping because you cant for the life of you sleep at night for some reason! lol  ( link to the page is at the bottom of this post )


           Military Marriage: 10 Things You Might Not Know

1. Military couples put duty first -- not their marriages. 
While common marriage advice holds that a person should place his or her marriage above all else, military spouses often don't. Living with this reality often requires a lot of patience, said Alison Perkins, who serves as the editor of a military spouse resource website,SaluteToSpouses.com. "In a military marriage, duty is first; everything else second,” said Perkins, who lives in Honolulu with her husband, an active-duty soldier in the Army, and their four children.
2. Military wives are not as likely to cheat as their deployed husbands.
A misconception about military marriage is that it frequently involves infidelity, according to Perkins. "People sometimes assume that lots of military wives cheat when their husbands deploy," she said. "I don't doubt that it happens. But in my experience, it isn’t as common as military husbands having an affair with a female soldier while overseas." 
"I know many couples that divorced as a result of a relationship that began in the war zone," Perkins said. "It is a huge, unaddressed issue that can cause significant stress for military spouses."
"There would be rumors about military wives hanging out at the clubs while their husbands were in the field," said Sgt. First Class Kent Phyfe. "Being a career soldier, I can say that ... while not unheard of, it does not happen very much at all." 
"The military is a cross section of our society, and just as in civilian communities, there are always promiscuous men and women," hd said. "The type of work soldiers deal with tend to attract partners that have similar attractions to duty, honor and commitment," added Phyfe, who served in the Army from 1980 to 1996 and now works with VetDogs, an organization that provides guide, service and therapy dogs to members of military with a disability.
3. Military spouses can lose their sense of self, since their partners' career of service often takes precedence over theirs. 
Laura DiSilverio spent 20 years in the Air Force. Her daughter was not yet 2 and she was pregnant with her second child when she found out that she would be stationed in England. The entire family picked up and moved abroad and her husband became a stay-at-home dad. “I had a squadron command that was very demanding, so [Tom] took up the slack at home," recalled DiSilverio, who has been married 19 years to her husband, an Air Force reservist.
"It was very challenging for him to take on that role with virtually no support system in a foreign country," she said. "A lot of military spouses have trouble with their sense of identity, especially when the kids get older. It's especially hard on men who are socialized to get such a large part of their sense of self from their careers." 
But, just because the career of a military spouse takes precedence at one point, that doesn't mean it always will. "Marriage is about sacrifice, about one person's job taking precedence right now, with the understanding that the other spouse’s needs will take precedence in the future," DiSilverio said. When she retired in 2004, she and her husband switched roles and she became the stay-at-home parent. 
"My husband sacrificed his career goals for most of the years that I was on active duty, with the understanding that I would retire," she said. Now, DiSilverio writes mystery novels and parents her kids full time. “Spying was easier,” she said. Her ninth novel is scheduled to come out in June.
4. Military spouses can have a harder time finding work than their partners who served. 
Marie Ruediger, from San Diego, Calif., said that she has been seeking employment since March 2011 but has not had a single interview. Even though she expects to earn her master's degree this year, employers seem to be more interested in speaking about job opportunities to her husband, who retired from the Navy in 2010.
"Whenever folks learn that I am the wife of a military veteran, they always ask for my husband to be the person that they hire," she said. "It's ironic because my husband does not want to be the primary breadwinner now; he wants to go to school to get his bachelor's degree. We had even agreed that I should be the primary breadwinner [now that he's retired] because I have the academic background.”
5. Military couples can't plan anything in advance -- not even their kids' birthday parties -- which can continually test their marriages. 
“Before I could plan my son's fifth birthday party next month, my husband had to put a request in to make sure he would not be put on duty that weekend and miss it,” Perkins said. Her husband's schedule is set only a month in advance and it's very hard for him to change it. “Any day that you absolutely need to have off, you should request a leave day," she said. "You cannot make plans until it is approved."
"And even then they can withdraw your leave if they need you to work, regardless of what you have planned," Perkins said. "It can be very frustrating."
Perkins believes that she's learned a thing or two about resilience from being a military spouse. "Ever try moving 4,000 miles with three kids, a very pregnant wife and a large dog with only six weeks' notice?" she asked. “That alone could make or break you as a couple. Now, try doing it a half a dozen times or more over the course of a marriage. You either learn to work together or you break apart trying.” 

6. The logistical aspects of being a military spouse can be a welcome distraction from the fact that your spouse could die at any moment.
DiSilverio compares the fear of her husband getting hurt -- or worse -- in the field to a constant headache, "always lurking, keeping you a bit more on edge than you would normally be." When her husband was deployed to Iraq, her daughters were 3 and 5 and she was working as a deputy group commander. 
"I almost welcomed the logistical difficulties of keeping our lives running, of coordinating day care and school and job and activities because it kept my mind occupied so I didn’t dwell on the danger [my husband] Tom might be in," DiSilverio said.
Phyfe said that because the stakes of service are so high, military marriages require a certain degree of strength, which he said can ultimately help keep military couples together. "[We] deal with life and death daily so the fear that has to be overcome is something that creates a friendship and love like no other," he said. 
7. Homecomings might be happy, but they aren’t easy on either spouse. 
Many people think that coming home is the best part, Phyfe said. While the reunion is great, he said that his wife "readily admits" that the process of him reintegrating back into their family life is one of the hardest parts about being a military couple. 
"While I was away 'doing Army things,' my wife had to be the wife/husband/mother/father all rolled into one and handled all of the other daily chores. When I came home, I wanted to jump in and take back those roles that I felt were mine," he says. "My wife did not want to go through the process of releasing those duties only to be thrust back into them again at a moment’s notice. This strain of that coming and going is amplified in a military family."
8. The military is culturally progressive when it comes to marriage. 
While the military as an institution might be perceived as being overly traditional -- even closed-minded -- when it comes to marriage, Ruediger believes that the military made her interracial relationship possible. She is an Asian-Pacific Islander, while her husband is white. The military gave her husband exposure to different ethnic backgrounds, she said. 
"My paternal grandfather was in the U.S. Army, my older brother was in the U.S. Navy, and I grew up on Guam, U.S.A., which is very diverse," Ruediger said. "So my parents were more accepting of our marriage compared to my husband’s rural Missouri relatives, who have not been as tolerant because their community is primarily white." 
9. Married service members can't share details of their work with their spouses, which can be frustrating to both partners.
When most spouses come home, they swap stories about their days. Military spouses can't let each other in on some of the biggest details about their jobs. "One of the hardest things is not being allowed access to what your spouse really does," DiSilverio said.
"I was an intelligence officer doing highly classified work, and I couldn't talk about it with my husband, kids or friends. They couldn’t visit my office, except maybe for a Christmas party, and so felt distanced from what I did every day." Most civilian spouses can relate to what their wives and husbands do each day when they hold familiar jobs -- like teacher, lawyer or accountant, she said. "Not so with the spouse who flies an F-22 or serves as a C-130 loadmaster."
10. For military spouses, respect for their partner's service can make the time apart more bearable. 
"People assume that deployments, weird work schedules and frequent moves put too much stress on marriages," DiSilverio said. "Those things do stress marriages, but military couples seem to have coping mechanisms or realistic expectations or something that enable them to weather the separations and anxiety." 
This hardiness might have something to do with the pride that spouses feel for their partners’ willingness to serve and the deep sense of respect this fosters.
"It's uplifting to know your spouse is serving the nation, defending this country, not just chasing the almighty dollar," she said. “My husband is retiring from the reserves this summer after 30 years, and thinking about his passion for the military and the sacrifices he’s made -- career-wise and family-wise -- to serve his country can bring me to tears. He's the best person I know."

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/26/military-marriage-10-thin_n_1537543.html

Review of the book " Married to the Military " A Survival Guide for Military Wive, Girlfriends and Women in uniform "

Alright everyone has been talking about this awesome book, telling me to read it as soon as I can no matter what I said they simply wouldn't let up! So here you all good! My review of the book Married To The Military! 

      I am not going to sit here and pretend that I read a lot of the Military Spouse books that are out there. Lord knows I haven't read any of them ( I am working on it as we speak! lol ) I love to read however I never thought that I would care about what these books had to say. I am shocked in so many way for so many reasons. I loved this book and I can not wait to read the next Military Spouse book on my list ( which happens to be " The Army Wife Handbook, because well this book had a lot of great information in it however I want to know a lot more I can't learn enough about this life I am jumping into head first! ) the things I learned are priceless. I can not explain all of the reasons why I feel like every female or male for that matter! Who decides to be with someone in uniform needs to stop what they are doing and go read this book right now! It was the BEST $14.00 I ( okay fine my Mr ) ever spent. It hit every topic I wanted to know about and then some, The break down of Military life mixed in with real life stories was perfect and just what I needed to feel better about this life I have started. I feared I wouldn't be able to relate to the other ladies in this life that they were all young , just out of high school. I am not scared to admit that I WAS WRONG! ( if you know me out side of my blog you know that holy crap that doesn't happen very often but YES I just said it and well of course its not online where the whole world can see it! lol ) The other Girlfriends, Wives to be, and Wives are just like me ( most of them at least ) they are just like I am in way more ways that I honestly would have never thought about if I hadn't came across the book. ( okay so kicked into is more like it Thanks to my best friend Terrie MacLean who told me about the book to start with and is the reason I ended up buying it even though I'm not sure that she knows that at this time.) I am not going to lie I do have some amazing best friends who also happen to be Army Wives and who keep me in line and up to date when I get lost and need someone to vent, ramble, yell, scream, and well just talk to. ( Terrie MacLean, Kellie Mckenzie and a few other ladies who will be around I'm sure to yell at me via comment and explain everything about the Army to me as I go along my way lol ) 

           There were so many things in this book that I feel like everyone needs to know however I know that once I start I may never stop. So I am sorry for everyone who has not yet read the book if I give you more information then you wanted to know. There are many reasons why everyone should read this book and here they are in no set order.

1. The break down of what you have to do right after you get married ( getting your id, POA etc. )
    I am not yet a Army wife ( I'm not going to lie I do believe that some time from today until a year or so from now that I will be a very Proud Army Wife to my amazing MR. ) however if and when that day does come for me I know that I will have way less problems and fears about getting everything done. The break down of how everything works made me feel so much better because I honestly had no idea how all the paper work really works. 

 2. Explaining the ranks and how they work!
    I honestly had no clue about the ranks in the Army I  knew what my Mr's rank is and how long he has been that rank and well that is all I knew and understood. I never thought about it before however I am so happy I know now and I will be keeping the book not so far away in the future when my MR asks me questions or starts rambling on about the high or lower ranking people he works with. Not only is it a break down of the Army ranks, but Marine Corps, Air Force, Navy and Coast Guard! so ladies I am sorry I ramble so much about the Army but well that is my mans branch I don't mean to make any one feel as if they were left out. 

3. Deal with a man who is a career Military man is way different then I am use to for many reasons. The Career tracker has proven to be a life saver!
    I know that I want to travel the world with my amazing family. However I never knew that there was a guy " the jobguy " as it is called in the book.  There will pretty much be a helpful buddy to have when deciding where we would like to live through out his career. No there is no set thing that says that you can get duty stations simply because you want them however I never even knew you had the option of saying where you would like to be stationed at! That was awesome to find out and made me feel asif I have a little more control in my life even if it is just the thought that counts. lol 

4. The Master relocation Check list! Lord help me I fell in love and I haven't even PCS'ed ever , yet!
   okay so I fell in love for so many reasons! to start with I am scared to death of PSC'ing! I want to get out and see the world however geeze I never knew how much went into moving a whole house and family to anywhere in the world. Nor did I know the Military paid for movers to do it all for you if you want them to or they will give you the money to move your self. That will be a large help because well I have two kids fulltime , a step son to be and my Mr who I will have to deal with moving and all that mess pretty much on my own from what I have read. I don't know what that will be like yet but Lord this Master List is being put where I can find it forever and always so I will know what to do when that day comes!

5. Marriage Hoo-ah! was an all around awesome chapter!Along with Preventing Trouble in Paradise.
   I can not say how much I loved this chapter it broke down so many things that I really had a lot of questions about. Not to count deployment information. I know that deployment is coming there is no question about that however I am scared to death of it. I don't know how other people make a marriage work and keep everything together while there other half is gone for a year at a time. I am not going to lie and say that I am not scared to death still however I feel like, well like I am not alone in this life. No matter where we go, what we do there will be other spouse's around no matter what going through what I am going through, so I will never really be alone. I may fall apart, go nuts and stay in my pjs a lot more then I do now. However I will live and he will be back in my arms one day. This life isn't easy but Lord I feel like its not as bad as I thought it was to start with. lol The things that she wrote about the signs that a marriage will or wont work well I know what to look out for so that when we do get married ( Fingers crossed lol ) we will have a great marriage that will with stand not only the test of time but the test of the Military! and for that I am blessed to have gotten a chance to read this book!

6. Really Stupid Acronyms and Jargon!
   Holy Cow! I  do not understand anything when it comes to Acronyms! its sounds like a whole new language to me. I have had something explained to me from my Mr and my friends  however I didn't understand most of it I mostly just said " okay" I figured it would make them stop talking because I didn't understand a word they were saying anyhow lol ( I know I will catch heck when they read this if they ever read this, but well I can live with that lol )  I understand way more now then I thought I ever would and I plan to keep trying to learn them so that one day maybe I will be in the place to teach someone else what they and this chapter has taught me!


There are so many reasons to read this book in my opinion however lets be honest you have to go out but it, check it out, or heck if you need it and you live near me come borrow mine anytime! This book is a refreshing take on all of the awful stories I have heard about being with a Military man. I hope that everyone enjoys it as much as I did!