The Place I Have Always Belonged

Today …. a long year after my last post.

I sit in a place in my life that I have been waiting to hit. The point where I have always dreamed of being. The place I have planned for, talked about and waited what feels like a million life times for.

You know that dream you have for yourself. The one you have dreamt of since you where a little kid?

Like the center of an amazing melting center of your favorite candy bar.
The moment you get the item you have worked so very hard for.
When you get your very first car and freedom you have waited so long for.

Today is that day for me and let me just tell you know that it is the most amazing breath taking time of my life. I couldn't have ever in my life dreamed it would ever be this great.

See I am not like most people or at least not  like most of the people I know or have known.

My biggest dream wasn't some big fancy job. It wasn't a huge house ( Though I will admit I need a larger one than I have most days. ) or a big fancy car/suv/truck. I have always wanted and dreamed of this life.

A crazy, never ending happiness kind of life. The life that I use to day dream about and knew with out a doubt that it was the life I wanted. The life I have always known would be mine one day and oh let me just tell you I could not wait.

Let me just tell you that it is way more amazing than I ever though it could or would be truly.

I am a MOMMY of 4 amazing crazy kids officially!!

I know …. I know …. I am a huge stereotype in many ways when it comes to Military life.

I am a stay at home mom , I have 4 kids so a huge family and to some it may appear like I just keep " popping out " more kids. I am not in the best shape of my life and I pretty much always have yoga pants, a messy bun and a top with baby spit up on it. ( but only while at home or at least that's the lie I tell myself most days. )

However for me, this is it! This is the life I have always dreamed of and it couldn't be any better. My hubby has a job he seems to love, we are learning to set a new path as a family of 6. The kinks are still being worked out but I am honestly loving my life! It is everything I wanted as a child.

It was a long hard pregnancy and the birth of our final baby. Was not what we planned nor was her time after but it has been such a blessing to all be together. ( I will make another post later this week about her birth and the days after. )

Let me just tell y'all as moms we all know when our family is complete and that feeling is hard to explain. I know it's different for everyone but for me I just know I have the life I have always wanted. I have known since I was 12 that I wanted to have 4 kids. ( two boys and two girls ) I wanted to have them close in age but God and secondary infertility had other plans.

I love being a mom to these 4 kids. I cant believe that this is my life and I am so very very blessed to live the life I do. It isn't easy at times and I know its going to be harder when my hubby. Goes off to training, the field and schools that I am sure will come sooner than I would want. However I am happier than I have ever been and I know that Army life doesn't stop just because I have four kids to care for. I know that my hubby and I can handle anything life or the Military has instore for our family.

It still feels like I am dreaming and I honestly am scared that I will wake up at any moment.
It could be the lack of sleep mixed with coffee that has me so excited about being a mommy of four.
But HEY! if it works for me right now than I say pour me another cup and lets do this mommy thing!

This is the place I have always belonged and it feels AMAZING!! To be living the life that I have at this very special moment in my life!

So here's to the sleepless nights, the crazy four kids running amuck. The Military wife life that we all know is never ending stress most of the time. The many many cups of coffee past present and the ones that have yet to be brewed. This life might be crazy but it's all mine!

Looking Back At Where I Was

3 years .... that is how long it has has taken me to see just how much my life has changed.

It doesn't feel like it has been almost 3 years already but sure enough we are about to hit that point.
3 years of  marriage is right around the corner and holy cow how things have changed in that amount of time.

1. Dealing with a hardship tour right after we got married.
2. Custody battle with people who only wanted our kids for the money.
3. Our First Year of marriage pretty much totally apart.
4. Giving up the chance to pcs to another country due to the on going custody battle. Only to find out     we could have gone.
5. PCSing only days after my husband returned state side.
6. Moving to a whole new state far away from the East Cost I have always known and loved.
7. The struggle of secondary infertility which I never thought I would deal with in my life time.
8. The loss of babies once I was able to get pregnant.
9. Moving to a 3rd state with in 1 year.
10. Getting pregnant and being on bed rest with our youngest.
11. Having our little boy born 6 weeks early after a long and difficult pregnancy.
12. Surviving the NICU life and not being able to hold him after my c section.

The list just goes on and on yet here we all are standing here together. Happy, stronger than ever and ready to move on to the next phase in our lives.

It didn't seem like we have come that far but we did. We have made it through tornado's and storms that I never thought we would ever go through. We fought to stay together and grow our family.

To think that 3 years ago I was just a gypsy girl sitting in an a crappy apartment with my best friend and crazy kids chatting about what the future would hold for us. I was controlled by my family and my ex husbands family. I had no real control or say over my own life. I wasn't able to be the mom or friend that I wanted to be. I honestly thought that living in campers and tents and any where else I had lived in the past. Was going to be the hardest time of my life but let me tell you I was wrong. All of the hard things I went through lead me to where I am right now. Every failed relationship was showing me what I didn't want in my life. Every tear I cried was making me tougher for my future life. All the years I was a single mom was making sure I could handle the house and kids. On my own because my husband would be working often. Every thing has brought me and my children to this life that we live now.

 I never in my life would have thought that I would find the man of my dreams. Fall madly in love and that we would be where we are today. I never thought I would have this kind of happiness but here I am every day living a life that I am so blessed to have.

I honestly thought my best friend would still be living with us or maybe she would be in love and married with a baby of her own by this point in our lives. She helped me raise my older two for most of their lives. She is going to make an amazing mother and wife one day. I will forever hold out hope for her to fall in love and be happy. I could wish nothing more for her than true happiness and a family.

Chatting with her the other day brought all of this up to me, it reminded me just how much my life has changed. I don't know what life has in store for our future but I know that it will be amazing. So when your having a hard day. Just sit back and think about how far you have actually come in life. Think about where you were and where you are now and what it had taken for you to get there.

Could someone have told me that back then, umm NO. Not a chance that I would have listened to them but I see it every single day of my life. I see the changes coming to the lives of my friends. I see their struggle bringing the to wonderful places in life. I know that the hardships are not over for me and my family. Deployments happy, hardships happen but ya know what life is amazing and beautiful. Just keep your head up and know where you want to be in and life. Faith and hard work will always get you where you need to be, even if it is not where you thought you would end up.

Because life behind these gates ....  is always an adventure!

Always, Steph

Before My First FRG Meeting Ever

Sitting here all I can think about is all of the bad things that I have heard and read about the FRG.  ( Family Readiness Group ) There has been time and time again where I have said that I wanted there to be an FRG here at Fort Leavenworth. Yet there still in the past year and a half has not been any hint that there will be a new FRG started at all. 

Until the day that my husband's First Sgt and his girl friend came to the hospital after our youngest son decided to come 6 weeks early. They made it clear that his girl friend was taking the steps to become the FRG leader and that there would be an upcoming meeting. When hearing this I was so excited to be able to actually go to my first FRG meeting but at the same time. I was scared to go to a meeting with out my husband and knowing that my children will be going with me. 

As someone who has never been to an FRG meeting it is something I want to do but I am scared to do it. My husband will be at work so he will not be there with me. I don't know anyone at all here that is part of his unit or heck anyone on post at all. Even though I have tried I have not gotten to know anyone beyond facebook. 

Sitting in my husband truck out side of his company build, with not only our two older children but our baby as well all in tow. I could not make myself get out of the truck no matter how hard I tried. I was scared to death of the horror stories I had heard from other wives or worse happening. I know that every says a " proper " Family Readiness Group was not a wives group, nor a place to have fun and meet people. That It was all about the company and raising money. However I kind of had my hopes deep down in side that I would meet my Leavenworth best friend at the FRG meeting.

I know I know how totally silly of me to think that I would find that person I click with at my very first FRG meeting, or dare I say a whole group of awesome wives to befriend. I knew it had to be done so I took a deep breathe and told the kids to get out and " lets do this thing I guess." Oh buddy let me just tell you that a side from there of course my husband First Sgt's nice girl friend no one really spoke. There wasn't a real chance to make friends and honestly if it wasn't for my husband thinking I should keep trying to be part of this whole thing. I would never go back like seriously never in my life. It wasn't that the wives were awful or that the meeting was really that bad. It was just the officer ( whom rank or name I could not tell you if I tried ) who is running the FRG made the whole meeting a business meeting. It wasn't fun or friendly in any way what so ever in my opinion. He's comments about " the frg not being for wives to talk and it's not a wives club " Made me want to get up then and there and leave. It wasn't so much of what he said but how he said it. As if we were just a bunch of fat ugly, worthless wives who had nothing better to do  then drag out kids to a cold building. To listen to him put us down and act as if he was too good to even be bothering with the frg meetings at all.

I get it really I do but come on, there was only like 4 wives there to start with and some random guys. Some the husbands of those wives and others that were clearly forced to be there. It was uncomfortable enough with out his making his speech about how this is an FRG it is just for information. It is not for fun blah blah blah. Come on now!!

I think I get it , or at least more to the point I get what some men are like when it comes to the FRG. It is not fun and lets face it with the job my husband is doing. He is not going to deploy and heck there isn't really any field training at all. So I am questioning why we cant talk an and enjoy our selves to an extent at the frg meeting. Why can't it be more fun and less like school where you have to raise your hand and wait to be called on in order to ever speak? All I can say is that yes I will return to the next meeting and I will put in more of an effort. I will attend events when I can and when my husband can be there with me. As I might get mouthy if the officer act like he is too good to let wives speak to each other. I know it would be the wrong thing to do but sometimes I can not help myself. More so when I am not getting enough sleep as I am a new mom again. lol

I just want to say thank you to everyone who has helped me along the way and taught me about the frg . How if I don't like it I can always become part of it and try to change some things. I am not saying that I can do it, or that I even have time to do it with 3 kids and their going to Seton/ home study program. However for it being my first ever FRG meeting it is not as bad as I thought it was but not as great as I had hoped. I know I need to find other ways to meet other wives of course. This was a good start to learning to put myself out there and not being scared of what other people think of me. If you have any tips about the FRG or anything to do with the military life or how to do fundraising with the FRG please feel free to share.

Home School and The Army Wife Battle with in!

One Of my best friends brought this question to me. 

How Do I handle the battle of being a home schooling mom and a good Army Wife?

How do you define your self?

By the job you do?

By the things you love?

By who you believe you are in your heart?

By the actions you take every day?

I am a house wife, a writer,blogger, mother, Army wife and home schooling mom.

Do these things define me?

Honestly yes they do, in my life this is who I am and what I do every day. I never thought that  I would be in the middle of a battle between being a home schooling mom and Army wife.

I have read enough Army wife books to know that I need to be out there helping other wives. Supporting them and helping them when they are in need. 

However how do I do that when I am being a mom 24 hours a day 7 days a week. There is no free time or down time in my week. 

There is no time to take classes and learn what I can do in order to help other wives.

 I know there are tons of volunteer opportunities with in the Army for the wives. 

However how do I find the time to volunteer when I can't even find the time to use the restroom with out kids beating down the bathroom door?

I knew that home schooling would take up a lot of my time when I first started thinking about it. However I thought the benefits for my children out weighted the negative. Now I am dealing with the never ending battle with in myself. To be a better Army wife and to home school my children. 

Can I really be the Army wife I feel like I should be while I am home schooling my kids?

Am I a bad mom if I were to do something differently to help free up some of my time?

How do I learn to balance the two with out sacrificing one of them?

Can I really do both?

In my opinion it all starts with getting organized. If you want to write your own homeschooling curriculum or if you want to go with a program that does that for you. Then you need to decide what kind of Army wife you want to be. As well as what a " good " Army wife is in your mind. There are always ways to do anything in your life that you want to do. It is all about what is important to you and how organized you are or want to be. 
I don't feel like there is a set plan you can follow no matter how your children are home schooled. Use your resources they have child care for most Volunteer positions I have seen. Make friends with other local moms and baby sit for each other. Search out your local baby sitter groups. Every post has a baby sitter page, though some are a little more strict on how you go about finding a baby sitter or becoming a baby sitter. There are always other moms willing to help another Army wife / Military wife out. 
If you can or can not do both be a homeschooling mom and a good Army wife. That is all up to you in the end and no one can say that you can or can not do both. 
There are support groups for just about everything out there. I am not going to say that they are all the best or give true " support."
However they are out there all you have to do is look. 
Decide what you want to do and don't let anyone make you feel like you can't. If working moms can work and raise a family then homeschooling moms can be the Army wives they want to be. 

Threatened Miscarriage .... a newly pregnant woman's fears come to light

      

        I never thought I would hear those words .... not in a million years. I never knew that it was even a " thing " that could happen. 

       Saturday September 5th 2015 I found myself sitting in the waiting room of an ER. Wishing and praying that they would make it all better. My little family was taking a trip to a theme park in Kansas City. Just something fun for us to do all together even though we had just found out that we are expecting another little one. Thus I would not be riding any rides I was only along for the ride and the food. lol  

      My husband so sweetly decided we would go out to lunch after they had road all the rides at the theme park. Sadly that is when everything went oh so very wrong for the baby and I at least. I went into the restroom after feeling slight cramps all day. What I found was honestly one of the times I could feel all my fears coming to life. I found that I was in fact bleeding, not a lot of blood and not bright red blood but enough to scare me. I told my husband and we decided to make a trip to the ER to check on our little one. As we do not yet have a Doctor. 

      After what seemed like forever after we had been taken to the back. All of the test were run and we were waiting on one last thing to finish the work up. An ultrasound to be done so we could " see " our little one. Knowing that we would not be able to see our little one because it was way too early. I was only 3 weeks and 6 days. What we found out was NOT what we thought we would hear. I felt like maybe I was going through a miscarriage again. Maybe if I was lucky the baby would be okay but I honestly did not think that was going to be how it ended. 

     By the grace of God we found out that even though we couldn't see the baby. That I was in fact pregnant however my Hcg levels were very low for how far I was. That lucky for me the bleeding had stopped however they did not know what was going on. They could not tell me if I was in fact losing my baby or not. 
All they could tell me is that I had what they called a " Threatened Miscarriage ." Which is pretty much my body telling me either to slow down or that I am about to lose my baby. 

     They gave me a list of things to do and not to do however I just. I don't understand what happens honestly I just know that in the end I will be spending my days waiting and praying for a blessing. I know that the doctor told me to come back if I can't get into the OBGYN that they are sending me to. That in 3 days I have to have a repeat blood screening done and ultra sound done to see if I lose my baby or not. That if the pain gets worse or the bleeding comes back that I need to go to the ER. 

    Then they sent me on my way and that was it. I just had to go home, try not to stress and wait to see what God has planned. I do not know how to wait. I have never been good at the waiting game so I have been trying to spend my time sleeping and watching tv. Thank God my husband is home for a few days to spend time with me so he is here to help. Deal with the kids and all of the house work. Lucky for him I keep a pretty clean house so there is not much to do but feed the kids and dog. Which for him means that he gets to order food and his problem is solved. 

     .... What I want all of you amazing ladies to know right now is that. I understand what you are going through. I am here for you through every day no matter what you are going through. I have been through a lot in my life time but I know that my baby's life is in Gods hands right now. I know that I will live a stress free life, that I will sit down as much as I can through out the day and I relax and enjoy every day that I have with my little baby every second of every day. 

       The thing that the Doctors don't tell us is that many females go through this. Many females have " Threatened Miscarriages " and they go on to have healthy happy pregnancies. Just because your body is freaking out does not mean that you have to give up on your baby. It means that with some luck every thing will be okay. However if it does not go as planned it is not your fault and there is nothing you could have done differently in order to say your baby. Please don't blame your self , I know I am not the first to say this and I will not be the last. However I know because I know I feel like I am to blame for this on my own life. I just have to keep telling myself that I didn't do this. That I couldn't have stopped it no matter what I did and now comes the awful part of waiting. 

                                                  Be Strong Ladies!

( P.S my hcg levels were 22 at 3 weeks 6 days )

To The Army Wife I Wronged

Dear Hurt Military Spouse, 

        I know it has been a long time sense I have really talked to you. That the last time I half ass attempted it was well in all honestly it was just lies. I was not sorry for how I treated you in any way. I did not feel as if I had truly done anything wrong at that time. I felt that I was in the right as I had just been trying to live my own life. I thought that the dead beat I was with was someone that there could be a future with. Thus I needed to make him happy above all others. I know now how really wrong I was back then. I never thought I would be saying these words as I hadn't thought of you in so long. 

      Yet here I sit understanding more than ever the pain I caused you. The way I threw you off to the side as if you were not worth being a true friend to. I am truly sorry for my actions back then and I wish that I could have a do over. I wish I could go back in time and we could just shake it off and go back to being friends. I had no idea what you were going through at that time and how hard it really is to be a Army Wife. I thought you were just trying to keep me from being friends with anyone else or having a relationship of my own. 

        I know now that I will never get the chance to say I am sorry and fix that broken friendship. However I wish to stop everyone from making the same mistake I made. Being a new Army wife or a Military wife at all if hard. It means that you need to make friends every where you go. Even if you have the best friends in the world " back home"  or at the last duty station you were at. You still need to move forwards and make more friends where ever this crazy life takes you. I failed to be a good friend but there were many reasons why that was. It was not because I am a bad friend or because I simply didn't not care. It was just that I felt like I was less than you. I felt like I didn't have money to blow or time as I had wanted to make sure. That my house was clean, and dishes were done. That there was something to eat and that everything was as it should be. That is what I felt was most important at that time. 

      I wish that I could go back in time and ask you what was going on in your life. What it was like to be a Military Spouse and why you seemed to always want people around you all the time. Maybe then I would have known more about this life and what I was getting into the day after my wedding day. However sadly we can not change the past. All I can do is hope that with this very public letter someone will not make the same mistake. I hope that someone will learn to ask what is going one. To be there for a new wife even if we think we know what is going on in her life. To put our selves out there and try to make some new friends even if we are scared to death. 

        Sometimes being a Military Wife is harder than I thought it would be. Sometimes we just need to suck it up and be a friend to someone who needs one even if she will not admit she needs one. 
Help is something that we all need but few of us are brave enough to ask for it. 



                                            Never Ending Lost Girl, 
                                                        Mrs.M



                 

Information Every Wife Needs To Know!

            There are so many things to learn and I honestly can not get enough of the information. I am so an information junkie and I know it! 
However I hope that my being an information junkie will help those of you out there who don't stay online learning as much as you can about this life while your man is sleeping because you cant for the life of you sleep at night for some reason! lol  ( link to the page is at the bottom of this post )


           Military Marriage: 10 Things You Might Not Know

1. Military couples put duty first -- not their marriages. 
While common marriage advice holds that a person should place his or her marriage above all else, military spouses often don't. Living with this reality often requires a lot of patience, said Alison Perkins, who serves as the editor of a military spouse resource website,SaluteToSpouses.com. "In a military marriage, duty is first; everything else second,” said Perkins, who lives in Honolulu with her husband, an active-duty soldier in the Army, and their four children.
2. Military wives are not as likely to cheat as their deployed husbands.
A misconception about military marriage is that it frequently involves infidelity, according to Perkins. "People sometimes assume that lots of military wives cheat when their husbands deploy," she said. "I don't doubt that it happens. But in my experience, it isn’t as common as military husbands having an affair with a female soldier while overseas." 
"I know many couples that divorced as a result of a relationship that began in the war zone," Perkins said. "It is a huge, unaddressed issue that can cause significant stress for military spouses."
"There would be rumors about military wives hanging out at the clubs while their husbands were in the field," said Sgt. First Class Kent Phyfe. "Being a career soldier, I can say that ... while not unheard of, it does not happen very much at all." 
"The military is a cross section of our society, and just as in civilian communities, there are always promiscuous men and women," hd said. "The type of work soldiers deal with tend to attract partners that have similar attractions to duty, honor and commitment," added Phyfe, who served in the Army from 1980 to 1996 and now works with VetDogs, an organization that provides guide, service and therapy dogs to members of military with a disability.
3. Military spouses can lose their sense of self, since their partners' career of service often takes precedence over theirs. 
Laura DiSilverio spent 20 years in the Air Force. Her daughter was not yet 2 and she was pregnant with her second child when she found out that she would be stationed in England. The entire family picked up and moved abroad and her husband became a stay-at-home dad. “I had a squadron command that was very demanding, so [Tom] took up the slack at home," recalled DiSilverio, who has been married 19 years to her husband, an Air Force reservist.
"It was very challenging for him to take on that role with virtually no support system in a foreign country," she said. "A lot of military spouses have trouble with their sense of identity, especially when the kids get older. It's especially hard on men who are socialized to get such a large part of their sense of self from their careers." 
But, just because the career of a military spouse takes precedence at one point, that doesn't mean it always will. "Marriage is about sacrifice, about one person's job taking precedence right now, with the understanding that the other spouse’s needs will take precedence in the future," DiSilverio said. When she retired in 2004, she and her husband switched roles and she became the stay-at-home parent. 
"My husband sacrificed his career goals for most of the years that I was on active duty, with the understanding that I would retire," she said. Now, DiSilverio writes mystery novels and parents her kids full time. “Spying was easier,” she said. Her ninth novel is scheduled to come out in June.
4. Military spouses can have a harder time finding work than their partners who served. 
Marie Ruediger, from San Diego, Calif., said that she has been seeking employment since March 2011 but has not had a single interview. Even though she expects to earn her master's degree this year, employers seem to be more interested in speaking about job opportunities to her husband, who retired from the Navy in 2010.
"Whenever folks learn that I am the wife of a military veteran, they always ask for my husband to be the person that they hire," she said. "It's ironic because my husband does not want to be the primary breadwinner now; he wants to go to school to get his bachelor's degree. We had even agreed that I should be the primary breadwinner [now that he's retired] because I have the academic background.”
5. Military couples can't plan anything in advance -- not even their kids' birthday parties -- which can continually test their marriages. 
“Before I could plan my son's fifth birthday party next month, my husband had to put a request in to make sure he would not be put on duty that weekend and miss it,” Perkins said. Her husband's schedule is set only a month in advance and it's very hard for him to change it. “Any day that you absolutely need to have off, you should request a leave day," she said. "You cannot make plans until it is approved."
"And even then they can withdraw your leave if they need you to work, regardless of what you have planned," Perkins said. "It can be very frustrating."
Perkins believes that she's learned a thing or two about resilience from being a military spouse. "Ever try moving 4,000 miles with three kids, a very pregnant wife and a large dog with only six weeks' notice?" she asked. “That alone could make or break you as a couple. Now, try doing it a half a dozen times or more over the course of a marriage. You either learn to work together or you break apart trying.” 

6. The logistical aspects of being a military spouse can be a welcome distraction from the fact that your spouse could die at any moment.
DiSilverio compares the fear of her husband getting hurt -- or worse -- in the field to a constant headache, "always lurking, keeping you a bit more on edge than you would normally be." When her husband was deployed to Iraq, her daughters were 3 and 5 and she was working as a deputy group commander. 
"I almost welcomed the logistical difficulties of keeping our lives running, of coordinating day care and school and job and activities because it kept my mind occupied so I didn’t dwell on the danger [my husband] Tom might be in," DiSilverio said.
Phyfe said that because the stakes of service are so high, military marriages require a certain degree of strength, which he said can ultimately help keep military couples together. "[We] deal with life and death daily so the fear that has to be overcome is something that creates a friendship and love like no other," he said. 
7. Homecomings might be happy, but they aren’t easy on either spouse. 
Many people think that coming home is the best part, Phyfe said. While the reunion is great, he said that his wife "readily admits" that the process of him reintegrating back into their family life is one of the hardest parts about being a military couple. 
"While I was away 'doing Army things,' my wife had to be the wife/husband/mother/father all rolled into one and handled all of the other daily chores. When I came home, I wanted to jump in and take back those roles that I felt were mine," he says. "My wife did not want to go through the process of releasing those duties only to be thrust back into them again at a moment’s notice. This strain of that coming and going is amplified in a military family."
8. The military is culturally progressive when it comes to marriage. 
While the military as an institution might be perceived as being overly traditional -- even closed-minded -- when it comes to marriage, Ruediger believes that the military made her interracial relationship possible. She is an Asian-Pacific Islander, while her husband is white. The military gave her husband exposure to different ethnic backgrounds, she said. 
"My paternal grandfather was in the U.S. Army, my older brother was in the U.S. Navy, and I grew up on Guam, U.S.A., which is very diverse," Ruediger said. "So my parents were more accepting of our marriage compared to my husband’s rural Missouri relatives, who have not been as tolerant because their community is primarily white." 
9. Married service members can't share details of their work with their spouses, which can be frustrating to both partners.
When most spouses come home, they swap stories about their days. Military spouses can't let each other in on some of the biggest details about their jobs. "One of the hardest things is not being allowed access to what your spouse really does," DiSilverio said.
"I was an intelligence officer doing highly classified work, and I couldn't talk about it with my husband, kids or friends. They couldn’t visit my office, except maybe for a Christmas party, and so felt distanced from what I did every day." Most civilian spouses can relate to what their wives and husbands do each day when they hold familiar jobs -- like teacher, lawyer or accountant, she said. "Not so with the spouse who flies an F-22 or serves as a C-130 loadmaster."
10. For military spouses, respect for their partner's service can make the time apart more bearable. 
"People assume that deployments, weird work schedules and frequent moves put too much stress on marriages," DiSilverio said. "Those things do stress marriages, but military couples seem to have coping mechanisms or realistic expectations or something that enable them to weather the separations and anxiety." 
This hardiness might have something to do with the pride that spouses feel for their partners’ willingness to serve and the deep sense of respect this fosters.
"It's uplifting to know your spouse is serving the nation, defending this country, not just chasing the almighty dollar," she said. “My husband is retiring from the reserves this summer after 30 years, and thinking about his passion for the military and the sacrifices he’s made -- career-wise and family-wise -- to serve his country can bring me to tears. He's the best person I know."

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/26/military-marriage-10-thin_n_1537543.html

Review of the book " Married to the Military " A Survival Guide for Military Wive, Girlfriends and Women in uniform "

Alright everyone has been talking about this awesome book, telling me to read it as soon as I can no matter what I said they simply wouldn't let up! So here you all good! My review of the book Married To The Military! 

      I am not going to sit here and pretend that I read a lot of the Military Spouse books that are out there. Lord knows I haven't read any of them ( I am working on it as we speak! lol ) I love to read however I never thought that I would care about what these books had to say. I am shocked in so many way for so many reasons. I loved this book and I can not wait to read the next Military Spouse book on my list ( which happens to be " The Army Wife Handbook, because well this book had a lot of great information in it however I want to know a lot more I can't learn enough about this life I am jumping into head first! ) the things I learned are priceless. I can not explain all of the reasons why I feel like every female or male for that matter! Who decides to be with someone in uniform needs to stop what they are doing and go read this book right now! It was the BEST $14.00 I ( okay fine my Mr ) ever spent. It hit every topic I wanted to know about and then some, The break down of Military life mixed in with real life stories was perfect and just what I needed to feel better about this life I have started. I feared I wouldn't be able to relate to the other ladies in this life that they were all young , just out of high school. I am not scared to admit that I WAS WRONG! ( if you know me out side of my blog you know that holy crap that doesn't happen very often but YES I just said it and well of course its not online where the whole world can see it! lol ) The other Girlfriends, Wives to be, and Wives are just like me ( most of them at least ) they are just like I am in way more ways that I honestly would have never thought about if I hadn't came across the book. ( okay so kicked into is more like it Thanks to my best friend Terrie MacLean who told me about the book to start with and is the reason I ended up buying it even though I'm not sure that she knows that at this time.) I am not going to lie I do have some amazing best friends who also happen to be Army Wives and who keep me in line and up to date when I get lost and need someone to vent, ramble, yell, scream, and well just talk to. ( Terrie MacLean, Kellie Mckenzie and a few other ladies who will be around I'm sure to yell at me via comment and explain everything about the Army to me as I go along my way lol ) 

           There were so many things in this book that I feel like everyone needs to know however I know that once I start I may never stop. So I am sorry for everyone who has not yet read the book if I give you more information then you wanted to know. There are many reasons why everyone should read this book and here they are in no set order.

1. The break down of what you have to do right after you get married ( getting your id, POA etc. )
    I am not yet a Army wife ( I'm not going to lie I do believe that some time from today until a year or so from now that I will be a very Proud Army Wife to my amazing MR. ) however if and when that day does come for me I know that I will have way less problems and fears about getting everything done. The break down of how everything works made me feel so much better because I honestly had no idea how all the paper work really works. 

 2. Explaining the ranks and how they work!
    I honestly had no clue about the ranks in the Army I  knew what my Mr's rank is and how long he has been that rank and well that is all I knew and understood. I never thought about it before however I am so happy I know now and I will be keeping the book not so far away in the future when my MR asks me questions or starts rambling on about the high or lower ranking people he works with. Not only is it a break down of the Army ranks, but Marine Corps, Air Force, Navy and Coast Guard! so ladies I am sorry I ramble so much about the Army but well that is my mans branch I don't mean to make any one feel as if they were left out. 

3. Deal with a man who is a career Military man is way different then I am use to for many reasons. The Career tracker has proven to be a life saver!
    I know that I want to travel the world with my amazing family. However I never knew that there was a guy " the jobguy " as it is called in the book.  There will pretty much be a helpful buddy to have when deciding where we would like to live through out his career. No there is no set thing that says that you can get duty stations simply because you want them however I never even knew you had the option of saying where you would like to be stationed at! That was awesome to find out and made me feel asif I have a little more control in my life even if it is just the thought that counts. lol 

4. The Master relocation Check list! Lord help me I fell in love and I haven't even PCS'ed ever , yet!
   okay so I fell in love for so many reasons! to start with I am scared to death of PSC'ing! I want to get out and see the world however geeze I never knew how much went into moving a whole house and family to anywhere in the world. Nor did I know the Military paid for movers to do it all for you if you want them to or they will give you the money to move your self. That will be a large help because well I have two kids fulltime , a step son to be and my Mr who I will have to deal with moving and all that mess pretty much on my own from what I have read. I don't know what that will be like yet but Lord this Master List is being put where I can find it forever and always so I will know what to do when that day comes!

5. Marriage Hoo-ah! was an all around awesome chapter!Along with Preventing Trouble in Paradise.
   I can not say how much I loved this chapter it broke down so many things that I really had a lot of questions about. Not to count deployment information. I know that deployment is coming there is no question about that however I am scared to death of it. I don't know how other people make a marriage work and keep everything together while there other half is gone for a year at a time. I am not going to lie and say that I am not scared to death still however I feel like, well like I am not alone in this life. No matter where we go, what we do there will be other spouse's around no matter what going through what I am going through, so I will never really be alone. I may fall apart, go nuts and stay in my pjs a lot more then I do now. However I will live and he will be back in my arms one day. This life isn't easy but Lord I feel like its not as bad as I thought it was to start with. lol The things that she wrote about the signs that a marriage will or wont work well I know what to look out for so that when we do get married ( Fingers crossed lol ) we will have a great marriage that will with stand not only the test of time but the test of the Military! and for that I am blessed to have gotten a chance to read this book!

6. Really Stupid Acronyms and Jargon!
   Holy Cow! I  do not understand anything when it comes to Acronyms! its sounds like a whole new language to me. I have had something explained to me from my Mr and my friends  however I didn't understand most of it I mostly just said " okay" I figured it would make them stop talking because I didn't understand a word they were saying anyhow lol ( I know I will catch heck when they read this if they ever read this, but well I can live with that lol )  I understand way more now then I thought I ever would and I plan to keep trying to learn them so that one day maybe I will be in the place to teach someone else what they and this chapter has taught me!


There are so many reasons to read this book in my opinion however lets be honest you have to go out but it, check it out, or heck if you need it and you live near me come borrow mine anytime! This book is a refreshing take on all of the awful stories I have heard about being with a Military man. I hope that everyone enjoys it as much as I did!

Infertility Problems After Mirena

  October 2006 .... I thought I was doing what was best for me and my life at the time. I knew I wouldnt be have sex. However I also knew after what I had been though in the past I didnt want to risk getting pregnant. 

At the time I was only thinking about my kids and myself. I felt like I couldnt do what was best for us at the same time as what was best for my soul. 

I was young and stupid 

 I found out about a new  birth control option and Lord I wish I had the power and to go back in time. I would find myself and slap the snot out of me because that decision to get a 

Mirena IUD!

That was the stupidest thing I felt I have ever in my life done. 

For the 7 years I had my Mirena IUD in I was in pain, I had cyst

all the time. I felt sick and pregnant for weeks at a time. 

I knew that it was the wrong thing for me, I knew that I should have had it taken out and never put back in ever again. However I didnt listen to myself.

I was scared to death that I would end up with another baby by a dead beat loser who wouldnt help me with anything much less the kids. 

Now a year after I had it taken out I still sit here trying to figure out

Why I cant get pregnant. Why after all mine and my husbands efforts to conceive a baby. 

Still no baby to speak of. We have had miscarriages and heartache and tear oh lord all the tears we have had. 

Now I find myself praying every month hopefully that the test will say positive or that the little line even if its not bright as can be that it will be there for all to see. 

I didnt know the side effects when I got the Mirena, I didnt know everything I wish I would have known but now I know. Now I vow to never in my life time to back on birth control for I know the truth behind it. I know that it hurt my body my mind and my soul on so many different levels. I cant never take it back but Lord I pray that the other people out there do their home work. 

I hope they truly know what they are getting into and the pain they could have in the future if they ever try to get  or want to get pregnant. 

I thought it was the right thing to do until I found the amazing man who would be my husband. 

The man I knew would be the right person to have a family with. 

After years of searching and praying he at last came into my life and here we are.... facing the truth that me might never get to have a child. That our two kids might be our own unless we want to adopt and spend $1000's of dollars on the adoption process. I know Im not alone however its heart breaking

to sit here looking at all these females who are blessed enough to get pregnant. 

It seems like everyone I know is getting pregnant and Im sitting here trying to keep myself from crying like a toddler. 

I never thought this would happen to me. I thought we would be able to have kids when ever we were ready. When ever we wanted to be able to have kids. Thats how all of these commercials for Mirena make it out. They make people believe that they have the freedom to choose and take the IUD out when ever they want to. 

They fail to tell everyone that you might not be able to have kids. You might struggle like we are to try to keep a pregnancy or event o get pregnant at all. 

Do your homework , ask around, google it and talk to your doctor and other doctors for that matter. 

If you ever want to have kids.... Mirena is NOT that birth control you should be using. Im not saying this as Catholic I am saying this as a female who is facing the truth of the matter that my struggle shouldnt be your struggle. 

Check out these links before you get a 

MIRENA IUD

Kelly Martin Speaks

The Army Wife I Didn't Want To Be

        When my now husband and I started talking about marriage. I read all of the negative things about Army wives. 

   

       The blogs about the wives who home school their kids. Who wear yoga pants all the time. Who shop at the local farmers market. Those wives who are stay at home doing play dates. Spend their days taking their kids to the pool and the local parks. Those wives who spend their time at FRG meetings and bake sales.

     Those wives that wear yoga pants all the time though you know they don't do yoga. The ones that home school there kids and do every craft on pinterest. Those wives that they volunteer for the FRG and every volunteer position on post. The kind that are stay at home wives who don't seem to have a life out side of their husband and kids. 

               That was the kind of wife I with out a doubt DID NOT want to be.

  So I did what every wife in that position does. I read all the books I could get my hands on. To learn how to NOT be that kind of wife. Fearing that I too would end up on one of those stupid " Dear Dependa " Facebook pages. You know the ones I'm talking about those pages that post. All the things people send into them about the wives of every branch. Doing what they see as pretty much " bad Military Wife " behavior. 

    

       Those pages give all of the Military wives a bad name. They are disrespectful and just a low down dirty group of unhappy people in my opinion. I feel like the only wives who like those type of pages are the wives or disgruntled ex husbands. Of wives who have cheated or other wise totally broke their hearts.

      I feared that I would be everything I had seen other wives be. Or so I thought.....

      After all the books , all the blogs and everything I heard from other wives. I found out the one thing that I didn't know or didn't think about.

   

  Being a mom is hard! .... being a single mom is beyond hard.... but being a married single mom well that is the hardest!

    No doubt about it I as single mother for 8 very long years .... FORGOT how hard it is. I never thought that all these Army ( Military ) wives were pretty much married single moms. Yes they are married,  Yes I know that means they aren't single. However with husband's who work all the time, deploy for months to a year or longer at a time. Who deal with being a good wife all while being mom and dad most the time. To Their kids  While nurturing  the  relationship between the kids and their father. They flock to the FRG and other volunteers positions to full their time. While their husband us away and so that they can get out of the house. That they can have their own lives out side of their home and give back to their community.

      Those wives wear yoga pants all the time isn't because they are lazy or slobs. It's because yoga pants are freaking comfy and when your life is all about your kids. Who really cares what they look like when your day is filled with babies, cleaning and cooking. Yoga pants are Awesome  lol. 

  

       Those Military wives who homeschool and don't seem to have a life out side of their kids and husband. Well that is simple to see the truth about once you drop your judgment. They homeschool their kids because they don't believe in the school public  system.   ( or for a million other reasons their are to homeschool everyone's is different. ) 

They make their families the center of their world because that's their heart. They are the ones that matter the most at the end if the day. They pick their kids to come first because even though they are blessed enough to have a had working loving husband. Their husbands work long hours and they don't want their kids to feel unloved. They don't want their kids to think that just because daddy works so much. That they are at all forgotten about. They just want to be their to give their kids the best education and life they can.

    For that I now know that all of those Military wives who I see all around. With their hair a hot mess, a large hoodie or tee shirt on. Wearing yoga pants and just trying to keep her kids from killing each other. In the middle of the commissary on pay day.

Those wives are just like you and I. Maybe they don't have it all together the way you try to make yourself think you have it all down. Maybe that wife your sitting their judging online because you think your better. Is just having a bad day or bad week while her husband is away. Maybe you need to drop what your doing and ask if she wants to hang out. Ask her how she is or see if she wants to grab a cup of coffee. Do what ever you would want someone to do or say if you were having a bad day.

     We are all Military wives no matter the branch. If you are a new wife or a pro at this life of ours.

      At the end of the day you don't know when you will blink and be " that wife ." You never know what she's going through or if maybe just a simple hi. Might change her day and your life forever.

I should know .... 2 years ago I never thought I would be nor did I want to be " that kind of wife ."  Yet here I stand .... or sit as it maybe the same wife I feared. Though through everything I find I am happy , blessed to have such an amazing husband and family. I might not look like a trophy wife , I might not have the cleanest house or have the perfect kids. I might not look like I have a life outside of my family. I definitely spend my days homeschooling my kids and feeling like I need a good nap. However I am happier then I have ever been. My family is my life with out a doubt and I wouldn't want it any other way. 

     From where I'm sitting life is good and gets better every day. I can't wait to see what tomorrow holds.

From Civilian Life To Military Wife

                           The New Life Of A Military Wife!

   Married Life in the Military is not what it use to be! The first things you need to know about being a Military Wife are life long lessons.

      I read all the books I could find on Military Life. All the books seemed to say the same thing over and over again.
    Here is what I learned about how to be a great Military Wife!
   

     
      * INDEPENDENCE
  
       The key to surviving a Military Life ( at least as the books all tell it ) .... When I first read that I laughed! Who would think that being independent would be the key to what some call a Dependent life.
      No I don't think that's the key to this life style though it is very much needed. You have to have your own life our side of your husband. You have to learn to spread your wings where ever the Military might take you. Get out of the house no matter what it might be and start building your life. Find a job, join a craft group, a running club. Whatever you are interested on as long as you are not sitting in the house every day. Simply waiting on your husband to get home from work day in and day out.

 


      * THE SISTERHOOD

       This is in my opinion the most important thing you can do. Put yourself out there in the world of Military spouses. No matter what your home branch happens to be. Army, Marines, Air Force, Navy or Cost Guard ( yes to me they are a branch ) Find your self a group of friends. There are sisterhoods out there for every branch. They are there to help you along your new journey. On every post there are Wives Clubs, FRG's  and other special clubs/groups. Get out there and make friends because you will need friends no matter what. .The days get long and lonely when your husband is away. Having friends who are in the same Military Life style as you are will help. They will be there to help you remember why you should smile. They  will help you remember why your part of this life. They will show you the strength of  the Military wife community when you need it the most. Let them love you, support you and don't be scared to be yourself.

  

      * RESPECT THE LIFE
       
      Though I can't say I agree with it so many people refer to spouses as " Dependents ." Or " Dependa " I dislike this word more then any other in the Military vocabulary. It is the most disrespectful word you could ever call me. I'm not a " dependa " simple because I'm a house wife. You have to respect the life and be greatful for it.  This life affords us each alot of advantages that we wouldn't normally have. We get health insurance ,( though who ever said its free lied ) life insurance,  and  an ID that gives is access to every Military instalation in the U.S. ( Yes you can get into other branches base/post. ( To the Army  it's called post ) Using your Military ID not just your branches base/post. We get to shop at the commissary and px. ( or whatever your branch calls it  for us Army Wives it's the PX ) These things are all a privileges and each and every one of us needs to remember to respect that. Those who don't respect the Military and privileges we get as Military spouses. Are often refered to as " dependas" and most of us all too often forget. That we are all dependants of the Military. No matter if you work or stay at home. You still have the same ID as the rest. So respect the life and all that comes with it. Don't complain about it because you never know when you can and will be kicked out of the life style.

  

      * PCS LOVE

   Yes you read that right, PCS Love! ( PCS means Permanent Change of Station ) What I mean by that is you need to learn to love pcsing. I know at first this can be so confusing and frustrating. You get to travel to places in the world. That you never dreamed you could go much less live. Pcsing can be one of the best times in your life or the worst. You get to learn new languages, see new places. You get to explore the world around you. If you chose to ,which I highly recommend. Every where you move there are tons if sites to see. We are luckly to live in a time where we can simply google. To find out about fun exciting things wait for us at our next duty station. Do your home work before you PCS and ask around about your new post. There are tons of Facebook pages/ groups for information about where ever your pcsing to. Use the resources at your disposal. Military Spouse pages and websites are there to help you.

    

      * FOLLOW THE RULES

     Yes there are rules of this Military Life we are all living or joining. Most of the rules are unwritten rules but nonetheless they are all important. Each rule is there for a reason and those who don't follow the rules. Seem to live unhappy short lived Military lives. The happiest wives from what I have seen and read follow the rules and set the standard for the rest of us. Etiquette is a big deal in this life style of ours. There are rules for every occasion and though some don't believe in following the rules. You should at least learn them. Don't think that you can avoid the rules or ignore the rules. They always catch up to you. You don't want to be stuck looking a fool because you don't know what you should or should do or wear at an event.

The Begaining .... Where to start Homeschooling

First off  Do Your Home Work! On How To Start or Where To Start

•  The very first thing we did as a family was to of course register as a Non Accredited Private  School in the state we live in . ( Kansas )
• Then we wanted to look up the National Standards For Catholic Elementary and Secondary Schools. ( Here is the link for the English down load of the National Standards please email me for the Spanish down load or anything else you might need. )  http://www.catholicschoolstandards.org/the-standards/2014-07-13-13-36-30/download-the-standards

• Every state is different and has a different set of rules. For some it is very structured and others are very open. To allowing you the freedom to teach your children with little interference from the state. 
• We had to figure out what our resources were as a Catholic Homeschooling / Private Schooling family. ( here are some of the links we found very helpful.  listed below )  

                                                          Links

• http://www.catholicmom.com/catholicmom_com_links_homeschool_resources.htm
• http://www.homeschoolingcatholic.com/links/curriculum/
• www.hslda.org    <~ THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT LINK I COULD EVER SHARE. EVERYONE NEEDS TO HAVE LEGAL COVERAGE. 

•                                          My Favorite Blogs

• http://www.catholicallyear.com/
• http://totustuusfamily.blogspot.com/
• http://raisinglittlesaints.blogspot.com/
• http://hsjoy.blogspot.com/

                         Most Importantly Read the Bible! and Home School                       Blogs. They will help you figure out whats best for you

                Family. Try different ways of teaching what ever works 

                for your family! 

Lego Land Adventure

         Green ones .... blue ones.... red ones and more .... legos are.                                                     always on my floor!

         

                                       The Lego King .... got him way a
                                                   LEGOLAND TOUR!

Our Experience At LegoLand

Going to LegoLand was all around awesome! 

We went for the kids thinking it would

Just be a kid thing. We had no idea

Of the amount of information we would come

Out with. Our kids learned so much from the tour.

The excitement in their eyes through out the whole day 

Was priceless. I could hardly get any pictures with

My kids or my husband looking at the camera.

He tried so hard to hide how much fun he was

Having along side the kids. 

It was well worth the money.

We try every chance we get to do family activities.

With my husbands work schedule it leaves

Us with working around when he works.

We try to plan day trips to local

 Places. Luckly we have a huge area that is always
Doing family friendly events.

https://www.legolanddiscoverycenter.com/kansascity/