The Sisterhood .... where has it gone?

When I first got married I was so excited to be part of the Military life style. 

The sisterhood or the thought of the sisterhood was everything a girl could want. 

or so I thought ....

In all of the books they tell about how the Military wives are a sisterhood. That they stick be each other and are there for each other through the good and the bad. 

Yeah I know that is a fairyland where everyone is happy and there is not back stabbing.

Here are the facts for you!

   Good News Ladies!                                      

       Wives Clubs                                                                        

         FRG's                                                                                   

                                                                                             

   Bad News Ladies!                   

No one cares about the wives clubs

Few females are brave enough to join 

the wives clubs or the FRG's. They all 

seem to have died out. The " I don't want

anything to do with the wives clubs or 

FRG because " I'm not a lazy housewife"

I have a life and a career or just don't care

about being part of a wives group. I don't 

need them. They are nothing but drama.

     The Solution To The Problem! 

Get off of your butt and join your local spouse club, join the FRG and put your self out there!

We all know we need friends and people who really understand. 

The sisterhood can only survive if each and everyone of us put the effort into being part of it.

These clubs and the FRG are there to support all the wives and families, to bring us together and to make sure we all know the information that we need to know. 

                                                                                    

                                        Is there drama? YES! there is drama in life all together so put aside your opinion and stop thinking every FRG and wives club is the same. 

If the FRG or wives club isnt what you think it should be then get your butt off your sofa and change it! You can change it and make it a better group and help show other wives new and old what the sisterhood should be like! 

There a woman out there that wants to be alone, we all need a family and sometimes we are born with one. Sometimes we are pulled into one, or marry into one. Then sometimes you find you find one that cares about you more then you know .... you just have to find them. 

The " Dependa" War

As long as there have been men fighting there have been wives standing beside them!

In Medieval times those Knights who could afford a wife would have one. He went off to war leaving her busy caring for the children and his estate. 

A job not unlike what we as military wives do today.

We as Military wives band together no matter what area we live in or even what country we live in.... or at least we use to. 

There is A LOT of talk about how the " old Military Wives" use to do things.

They were a force to be reckoned with that is for sure. 

There was no bashing of other wives! .... where there groups where wives could get together and talk of course but out right bashing NO!

There was no internet where Military members and wives alike would bash on the wives they felt were " unfit " to be called a wife.

There was no one fearing that for asking a simple question someone would screen shot there comments and blast them all over the internet for everyone and their momma to see. 

Shaming everyone of us into not trusting that there is a place out there. Where we can ask the questions we have no matter how big small or to some stupid. 

There was no one wanting to put every Military wife on a scale because " her body defined who she is. " 

There was love, support, trust and fellowship. 

I am in no way saying that there are not things that stood in the past that need to be standing right now!

I believe that more wives need to.

1. There was no complaining about the amount of money your husband was bringing home!

You learned to budget your money and work with what you had. You were blessed to have a husband who was alive and able to work. Leaving you could stay home and care for the children! ( there has always been single moms struggling to make ends meat so their children could eat that is just a fact of life! so be thankful you are NOT one! )

2. There was not FRG's, MWR , Child care, etc 

We all are guilty of it! Complaining about how the F.R.G sucks and is just a " bunch of board housewives  blah blah blah! 

These things are there for US! to help us and make life easier for us while we are dealing with our husbands being away. They are NOT something you earn! They are not something you should even get they are a benefit. One that we need to learn to be thankful for and darn it start being part of.

If you do not like the FRG or to be part of the Wives club where ever you are then suck it up. Join and change it into something awesome for the next generation of Military wives to love and truly enjoy.

Doing nothing will not get you any where but doing something might just bring a little happiness to your day!

3. They were respectable when they left the house. 

There was no looking like you just rolled out of bed. Brush your hair, put your big girl undies on and smile! I understand being a hot mess. Going out because you have been up dealing with a baby and just can't seem to get the energy to get " pretty ." Yet we don't do it for other people. We do it for us! The ones who has to clean the house, cook dinner, fold the laundry and feel like we just are over it. I get pretty for myself not every day but for the most part I do something to make me feel better about myself! 

For Those Who want to keep bashing all of us wives no matter if you are a Military member, a former military member or a Military wife your self. 

Grow up! Get off your lazy butt and go get your self a life! Stop being bitter about whomever hurt you, stop being butt hurt about the past. Stop thinking that you matter so much that because you have an issue. You with one person or a group of people that you should blast it all over. Causing other people feel bad about their selves. It makes me sick that people would go out of their way to bash others. ask your self these questions!

 Why do you care about how much someone wife weights?

Why does it matter to me that someone is dating a Military member?

Why should I care that someone cheated on their spouse?

That fact of the matter is Men cheat just like females cheat! does that mean every female that gets with a Military member is a cheat? NO!

Does the amount a Military wife weights effect your your life? NO!

Do you have the right to bash other people when you are NOT perfect? NO!

So why don't you try getting a life? 

Being online bully gets you no where. Clearly most of the people bashing the Military Wives saying we are all fat and jobless has no idea what they are talking about.

 Bitter people write bitter things!

 To the Higher Ups who feel its okay because of your rank to bash Military wives you should be ashamed honestly.

We should all be making the Military a better place, the best place for all the future Military Wives yet our legacy will not be great like those wives of the past. There will be no support, friendship or anything else. Sometimes I think that we do not need other countries to break our Military. We do a good enough job all on our own every time we decide to bash the wives making life harder then it should be. We should be united as one large family not 

going out of our way to put down others. For trying to love and support our husbands where ever their career may take them. In life and in death we stand by them. Loving and supporting them why cant we at least try. To do the same for all the other Wives out there. Doing the same thing we are 

just trying to live their lives one day at a time as if he will deploy tomorrow. 

Its time to end the " Dependa " war. 

For all of the spouses who are part of it adding fuel to the fire.... go into your wallet and take your I.D to the mirror because YOUR I.D SAYS DEPENDANT  THE SAME AS THE REST OF US SO. TRY JUMPING OFF OF YOUR PEDESTAL AND SEEING WHO THE TRUTH AROUND YOU. 

   Just one wife's opinion.... On This " Dependa " War!

                                         Stephanie

Give Custody or To Keep Your Child From Getting Help?

             ....that is the question of the day

It is a fact that A LOT of parents deal with every day who are dealing with what is referred to as " Difficult " children. Yet that is what is left at the end of the day for all of them To give up their custody of there kids to the state or for a lucky few to a family member who offers help.

I never thought this was an issue honestly, okay fine I never thought about this subject until well today. After a long few days of dealing with a question that I thought was going to be a simpler answer to a question one of my life long friends had. 

After a lot of praying and thinking about it we decided that maybe the best thing for my friends child would be to come stay with us. To get the medical and all around help not only that she needs but to give her mother and step father and brother the time to get the help. That they all need and to move into a better home where they can all have their own space. The daughter is referred to as well a " difficult" child. She has some issues that she needs help with.

* Behavioral        * Emotional

    * Educationally

* Boundary Issues        * Lying

     * Stealing

 * Trouble Making   * Hitting      * Bathing

The list goes on and on from what her mother tells me about. Issues that I knew after everything I had been through and all the parenting classes I have taken. Not to count the resources that I have at my disposal as a Military wife and on a Military base. My husband and I could help her better then the state could. 

After A LOT of research we found out only after both families had decided on a date for us to drive to go pick this little girl up. That we had to go through a judge to make the Legal Guardianship officially legal by having a judge sign off on it. Where we then found out that she had to be a legal ward of the state in order for us to take custody of her. As well as in order for Tricare to allow her to get any of the help that she would get as a dependant  of my husbands. 

Which seems easy enough I guess however the kicker that we did not know was that. The guardianship would mean that her mother who had just at last gotten legal custody of her two children. ( though they had pretty much other then the one time in knew about had custody of her child but never got it legally ) She would have to give her custody up and make the child a ward of the state. Then and only then could we take custody of the child and get her the help that she needs.

I have been doing  research and as it turns out my friend is not alone in this difficult decision. She faces the same question.

Former Congressmen Patrick Kennedy said it best

"Mental health is a separate but unequal system," Kennedy says. "We have a wasteland of people who have died and been disabled because of inadequate care." 

"The USA routinely fails to provide the most basic services for people with mental illness -- something the country would never tolerate for patients with cancer or other physical disorders, Kennedy says. "

Parents are stuck trying to decide to give there custody of there children up in order for them to get the mental health care that they need. Why in a time when there are so many " programs " out there to help parents is it still okay for the child to be honestly failed. Yes I said it. We are failing the children who need us the most when we make the parents have to pick between being a parent to their children or to give the child the help they need. Where is the help for those who truly need it? Where is the government that pretends to care so much about the world but yet still fails to take care of its own? 

It breaks my heart to think that in order for this child to get help that her mother has to give up the custody she worked so hard to get. 

Yet here we are still faced with the same question and only really 2 options.

Give her up to the state or give her up to a Military family friend. 

To care for her.

Personally I know what I as mother would decide to do. I would take my friend over the state any day of the week. Then it leads to the real questions.... 

  Can I do it?

Can I let go and allow someone else to parent my child? 

How do I take care of my other child or children?

 Should I put my desire to not look like a crappy parent above all else?

How it would make me look to the rest of the world above my child's welfare?

Am I strong enough?

What will happen if I never get my child back?

What if my child loves the new home better then the one I gave her?

Will my child hate me?

Will he/she look down on me?

Will he/she see that I gave up custody out of nothing but love?

Who can I really trust?

What will my family think?

Does this make me a bad parent?

What is my child never wants to come home again?

Will this really help him/her?

Why aren't there better options out there to help us?

Are there better options in other states then there are in ours?

What are the rules for allowing someone else to parent my child?

Should I still get say in my child's life after he/she is in some one else's care?

Will the state try to take my other child ( or children ) away from me for my giving one child up to get them help?

Who can I turn to?

Where do I start?

How do I know this is the right thing for us?

What if the people I allow to help my child decides to keep him/her from me?

Do I have need to fight for my child to get them back in court?

How can I let go of a child I carried and took care of for so long?

Are there support groups out there for people going through the same type thing as I am?

Your not alone! That's the first thing that you need to know. 

 When you start thinking of these question and what to do ( in my opinion ) you should stop and think about only your child. Not yourself or how you feel or why you feel the way that you feel because none of that matters right now. There will be a time to be sad, a time to cry and  time to get it all out but right now its only about that child.

think of this

if you think

• physical = provide shelter, food, or appropriate supervision
• emotional  provide psychological care (e.g., allowing a child to ingest alcohol or drugs would be considered a form of emotional abuse)
• education = provide adequate schooling where the child is thriving and getting all the help that he or she needs every day. With resources set in place to make sure the child will keep getting the needed help no matter what kind of help that might be.
• medical =  provide the necessary medical or mental health needs. Resources that must be constant. Children need the right medical care that means if they need something its already there waiting for them not that you need to fight to find help for your child. They don't have to wait months or years for someone to step up and help them get the help that they need.
• Parenting: If a parent does not know how to parent how can they every parent? Everyone need to learn the ways to parent that will not end in a awful cycle of abuse, neglect, yelling, drugs, gangs, etc There is all kinds of way to parent where you get freedom to do it your own want with out abusing your children. Just because its how your parents did it doesn't mean its the right or wrong way to parent. Take some classes, read some books and find away that works for you and your children that isn't harmful to anyone.

                                      If you said okay maybe I'm not providing my child with what I should be in the above list then its time to change! Find resources, find support and remember that putting it off until tomorrow will not help you or your child. I know as a parent its hard to think about allowing your child to be taken care of by some one else but if there's resources out there then you should put your child's needs before your own. That's what makes a good parent. Don't allow fear to take hold of you and stop you from doing whats best for your child. Don't allow what other people think to stop you from caring for your child in the best way you can. 

                  The above are the bases in which Social Services/ Child Protective Services looks at when they decide if a child should be removed from there parents home. Most people are against someone trying to remove their child from their care. Maybe its time we are parents start looking at it from the same point of view and start putting out children first.  

( I am in NO way saying giving your child up is right however if you don't have resources its time to go find some. If you have have friend and family willing to help, give you advice then take it. )

For us well its still up in the air if the child will get the needed help, of what the answers will be but I can only pray that no matter what she gets the help she needs from where ever she gets it from. There are too many kids out there not getting the help they need. Due to a parent dealing with the worry of being looked down on or fear from all the questions listed above. Yet still we as parents have to stop thinking about our selves and start putting out kids first. The government fails us and our kids every day but maybe it time we stop sitting around waiting. For other people to take care of issues that we caused or allowed to be caused or maybe just that we have put off dealing with. Put our big girl undies on and start taking on the issues and those who should be helping the children who need it. Make a difference even if its just in one child's life because really that one child is all that matters. They can change the world but so can each one of us. It just takes us being brave enough to seek out the help that maybe someone in our past didn't bother seeking out for us. 

" Being a parent means always putting your kids needs above your own, no matter how much it hurts you. "

( quotes from USA Today : http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2014/06/25/stigma-of-mental-illness/9875351/ )

Where Is Cursive Writings Place In The Common Core World?

That is my question for the who country or maybe the world.

I sit here trying to help my kids.  

Learn something that seems to just like a forgotten language.

In the public school systems today or at least in about 41 of the public school systems today. 

I never thought I would say that or that it was possible to feel like its been forgotten.

When cursive writing has been such a huge part of our history.

I loved learning cursive though I will admit my signature really needs work.

I loved feeling as if I was linked to those amazing people who were in our past.

George Washington

John Adams

Charles Carroll of  Carrollton

Thomas Jefferson

and so many others.

I believe that there are some things that we should pass down to the next generation and some that simply shouldn't be passed down. Though so many harmful things get passed from one generation to the next.

I have spoken before about the effects that the  No Child Left Behind program has caused out children. How it has pushed the things that those in charge do not care about to the side to make way for the future. To make sure that the change would be so slight that not many people would notice it. 

That those who are hurt by it have no way out not way to deal with the matter at hand. 

That program lead to what is now  Common Core State Standards. 

 A standard that has taken away cursive writing and everything good about school. 

The push us to turn our kids in robots and take away pieces of history that our children should be learning today. 

I personally teach my children cursive writing and about why its so important for them to learn it even if " they dont need it ." I understand that now days everyone write text and emails. No one ever  seems to write hand written letters anymore you dont even need to know how to sign your name ( again something that is done in CURSIVE WRITING! ) because soon there will be only electronic signatures done. 

The history of Cursive writing stems back to the time before our country was even founded. To a time that people seem to forget made each and every one who we are today. The good bad and ugly parts of us that we might not love or be proud of but your personal past made you who you are. Just like history made us all who we all are today. It changed the world and even those who once couldnt afford to go to school, and learn to read and write dreamed of there children. One day having the free to learn to read and write. To one day be able to sign their own name on to a paper or contract or what ever it might be. 

We are giving up so easily for the rights that those who came before us fought and died for. What is next? What rights that had been earned are going to be flushed down the drain because we feel its not useful to us anymore? Cause we feel like its not whats right for our children to learn or maybe just maybe because we dont pay enough. Attention to know what is really going on in the schools that some many of our children attend. 

It breaks my heart that so many people are okay with stepping aside and allowing other people to take away some of the best parts of education. Striping it down to the bone so that they can build it back up to be what they want it to be. 

Some people might be willing to stand aside and allow this to happen or ignore it as if that will make it go away. I and the large group of ladies I know around me am not willing to allow 

anyone to take away Cursive writing. To remove it as if it never shaped this country.

Are you willing to sit aside and let it fade into the back ground?

Power of the sisterhood

Yesterday I found myself scrolling down my facebook news feed when I read a post from Ashley Netzer stating.  

            " STOLEN!!!! Please help me get my baby carrier back. This was the one I desperately wanted for so long and is now discontinued. Stolen on post at JBLM Wa. Thank you! "

There I found myself feeling angry about someone stealing from another spouse.

Thinking that it would be okay.

Im not a baby carry wearing kind of mom but then again my kids are 8 yrs and 9 yrs old so there wasnt many carriers out there back when my kids were little. 

I found myself angry about the whole ordeal and it wasnt even my business. 

Today I woke up to see if hopefully Ashley had been lucky enough to have her Tula returned to her. However that is NOT what I awoke to see and oh how the update shocked me. 

 I found a wonder lady had mad a GO FUND ME page for Ashley. 

To help pay for her to be able to get a Tula, maybe not the same one that she had as that one has been discontinued at this time. However it has shown me and many like me that the power of the Military wife community.

Becca Ryan Falkey a Army wife her self  created the page to help show Ashley that even though someone stole her tula that there are people out there. Who will support her and show her how much the community cares about her. 

On the Go Fund Me account you will find this statement from Becca.

" Ashley's Tula was stolen out of her car which was parked in her personal driveway. I wanted to show her that as a community we can come together and support each other to make up for the scum bag that took it! "

After only 14 hours the goal of the $200 to buy Ashley a new Tula was met. 

Thanks to a few awesome giving people who wanted to make up for what someone unknown had done. 

The support of the community is beyond anything I could think it would be. I honestly wish that I could have done something to help her. but the amazing efforts of the Military sisterhood once again come though! 

If you want to know more about the story

check out the link below.

The amount of support and shares of this story proves that when your in need that the Military sisterhood will come though. We try every day to be there for one and other through the good times and the bad. 

I am so blessed to be part of such an amazing community that is truly there for each other. 

I hope that this kind of love and support will keep going to show every Military wife that the sisterhood stands!

That there are people that will be there for you and that together we can reach any goals we set!

New Tula For Ashley

The Truth About Who Can Get Custody Of Your Kids ....

 I have seen A LOT of people these days trying to find out how custody battles really works these days! 

First off what you need to know with out a doubt!

Custody battles ARE NOT how they use to be!

" Back in the day " Custody battles use to be between a man and a woman. 

Fighting for their biological or adoptive children they have together.

No one else had rights to fight or try to fight you for your rights to your children.

.... If only that's how it still was. 

Now days there's A LOT more to know and A LOT more to deal with when it comes to these type of issues and I mean A LOT!

I have been through a custody battle as well as dealt with other issues myself  with all of the craziness. 

 People often come to me asking me these questions. 

( Keep in mind I am NOT a lawyer and this is NOT legal advice please seek a lawyer for more information however as a parent and someone who has gone through this stuff myself I have asked a lot of questions and done a lot of research about laws and how things work and want to help those who are doing the same thing )

Who can get custody or seek visitation of your kids?  honestly these days anyone can get custody of your children or seek visitation of your children. 

 Do step parents have rights? in some states step parents have rights only if they can prove they have had a relationship with your children. but you can fight this. 

 Can a grand parent really take your kids away from you? grand parents have the rights if they fight for those rights and if they can get a judge to agree with they that they deserve rights to their grand children. In most cases they only get " rights or even visitation " if they can prove that they have had a past relationship with there grand children. such as the children lived with them ( even if you lived there too )  or they had been the child care provider for the child ( children ) for a good period of time or possibly any period of time depending on the judge.

Can my ex husbands ex wife really fight us for visitation of our kids just because she lived with him and was part of my kids lives for a year? In some states YES  former step parents , if they can prove they had a relationship with the children can get rights or visitation with your kids. 

Who has the right to be part of my kids lives? Honestly you as the biological parents have the rights to decide who is in your kids lives. though anyone can try to change those rights.

Do I get say in who is in my kids lives or not? That depends on if you have to go through a custody battle or not. 

Do my kids have the right to say who they do or do not want in their lives? Yes your children at least the ones over the ages of 6 should be able to say what they want in their own lives. Most judges do take that into account. 

Do I have the right to home school my kids? YES!! you can in EVERY STATE home school your kids and I would be more then happy to help you in any way I can learn your rights when it comes to homeschooling. States make it harder then others but you can home school your kids no matter where you live and don't let anyone tell you other wise. 

Do I have the right to put my kids in year round school? Yes you can put your children in any school you decide to put them in. It is your right as their parent to give them the best education that they can get or that you can give. 

Do I have the right to raise my children in the religion I want to?  Yes however that doesn't mean that the world or this country is accepting of other religions. 

What happens if my ex spouse passes away and his spouse try's to fight me for custody or visitation? You will have to go to court and deal with all of the issues that come with court and I am here to help you in any way that I can. contract me via email for more information.

What do I do if I'm still married and I want to leave the state? you can do one of two things.  You can file for custody of the kid or kids before leaving the state or you can just leave. If you spouse or ex spouse wont be taking you to court for custody then they cant keep you in the state however. The state you leave still has jurisdiction over your kids for 6 months after you have moved out of the state. ( for every state )

If there is no legal custody of my kids can I move out of the state with out my ex spouse to be getting me in trouble? yes you can however you need to wait 6 months before you can file any custody in your new state.

What if my I have 2 children by 2 different men? Can the father of my youngest son take custody of both the kids even if one is not his biological child? Yes he can if he was the only father figure in the child's life for an extended period of time. If he acted as the father to the child who is not his he can fight you for rights to that child as well and NO even the biological father can not stop them from fighting for those rights. In most states 3rd party and or step parents can attempt top fight for rights or visitation of any child. Its all in the judges hands. 

Keep in mind that I am NOT a lawyer and this is NOT legal advice!

I'm just another parent who has tried to learn as much as I can about the custody battle issues for 

myself and my family. I try to help get others the information that they will need to help them

fight for their rights and what is best for their children. 

I'm here to help if you need me email me at

stephanie@chawlife.com

Infertility Problems After Mirena

  October 2006 .... I thought I was doing what was best for me and my life at the time. I knew I wouldnt be have sex. However I also knew after what I had been though in the past I didnt want to risk getting pregnant. 

At the time I was only thinking about my kids and myself. I felt like I couldnt do what was best for us at the same time as what was best for my soul. 

I was young and stupid 

 I found out about a new  birth control option and Lord I wish I had the power and to go back in time. I would find myself and slap the snot out of me because that decision to get a 

Mirena IUD!

That was the stupidest thing I felt I have ever in my life done. 

For the 7 years I had my Mirena IUD in I was in pain, I had cyst

all the time. I felt sick and pregnant for weeks at a time. 

I knew that it was the wrong thing for me, I knew that I should have had it taken out and never put back in ever again. However I didnt listen to myself.

I was scared to death that I would end up with another baby by a dead beat loser who wouldnt help me with anything much less the kids. 

Now a year after I had it taken out I still sit here trying to figure out

Why I cant get pregnant. Why after all mine and my husbands efforts to conceive a baby. 

Still no baby to speak of. We have had miscarriages and heartache and tear oh lord all the tears we have had. 

Now I find myself praying every month hopefully that the test will say positive or that the little line even if its not bright as can be that it will be there for all to see. 

I didnt know the side effects when I got the Mirena, I didnt know everything I wish I would have known but now I know. Now I vow to never in my life time to back on birth control for I know the truth behind it. I know that it hurt my body my mind and my soul on so many different levels. I cant never take it back but Lord I pray that the other people out there do their home work. 

I hope they truly know what they are getting into and the pain they could have in the future if they ever try to get  or want to get pregnant. 

I thought it was the right thing to do until I found the amazing man who would be my husband. 

The man I knew would be the right person to have a family with. 

After years of searching and praying he at last came into my life and here we are.... facing the truth that me might never get to have a child. That our two kids might be our own unless we want to adopt and spend $1000's of dollars on the adoption process. I know Im not alone however its heart breaking

to sit here looking at all these females who are blessed enough to get pregnant. 

It seems like everyone I know is getting pregnant and Im sitting here trying to keep myself from crying like a toddler. 

I never thought this would happen to me. I thought we would be able to have kids when ever we were ready. When ever we wanted to be able to have kids. Thats how all of these commercials for Mirena make it out. They make people believe that they have the freedom to choose and take the IUD out when ever they want to. 

They fail to tell everyone that you might not be able to have kids. You might struggle like we are to try to keep a pregnancy or event o get pregnant at all. 

Do your homework , ask around, google it and talk to your doctor and other doctors for that matter. 

If you ever want to have kids.... Mirena is NOT that birth control you should be using. Im not saying this as Catholic I am saying this as a female who is facing the truth of the matter that my struggle shouldnt be your struggle. 

Check out these links before you get a 

MIRENA IUD

Kelly Martin Speaks

Freedom Of Speech .... For kids

        Yesterday was a day like no other....

  

  For a very unexpected reason at that. At what point is it okay to allow your children to speak their mind?

    What age do we say yes you can say what you think. ( as long as it comes out respectful , open and honest ) 

  

That was my struggle for the past 6 months of my life.

My 8 year old son walked up to me one morning in December 2014 and asked me if it was okay. For him to say what he thinks and feels to someone that he fears. Someone that had been none stop trying to take over his life. ( how he feels )

He struggled with my answer to the question as did I for months of his asking me. If it was time yet that he could speak his mind. Even after he had declared to the world his wishes and wants. Still he felt no one cared or wanted to hear what he had to say.

 He asked me what seemed like every day. At what age he was going to be old enough to be able to say what he wants and thinks. That he will not only be able speak his mind but for it to really matter. To those adults who should allow him to have the freedom to say who he does or does not want in his life.

  I prayed , spoke to my priest, my husband and then I prayed some more. After months if struggling with the question I sat down and had a talk with my kids. ( 8yrs and 9 yrs old ) We decided that as a family we would allow them to speak their minds. That as long as they did this in a way that was respectful in their eyes. That my husband and I would be respectful of our kids wishes.

Parenting is hard enough with out other people trying to control our kids. We decided that their is no age limit for kids to have an opinion. That their age shouldn't matter as long as our kids aren't harming their selves. That they need to keep an open mind because everyone has an opinion.

I'm proud of my kids especially proud of my son for wanting the freedoms. That he as an American citizen has and has the right to not only know but the right to use. 

We try to teach our kids about not only their rights
 but about our country and why its so great.

The Army Wife I Didn't Want To Be

        When my now husband and I started talking about marriage. I read all of the negative things about Army wives. 

   

       The blogs about the wives who home school their kids. Who wear yoga pants all the time. Who shop at the local farmers market. Those wives who are stay at home doing play dates. Spend their days taking their kids to the pool and the local parks. Those wives who spend their time at FRG meetings and bake sales.

     Those wives that wear yoga pants all the time though you know they don't do yoga. The ones that home school there kids and do every craft on pinterest. Those wives that they volunteer for the FRG and every volunteer position on post. The kind that are stay at home wives who don't seem to have a life out side of their husband and kids. 

               That was the kind of wife I with out a doubt DID NOT want to be.

  So I did what every wife in that position does. I read all the books I could get my hands on. To learn how to NOT be that kind of wife. Fearing that I too would end up on one of those stupid " Dear Dependa " Facebook pages. You know the ones I'm talking about those pages that post. All the things people send into them about the wives of every branch. Doing what they see as pretty much " bad Military Wife " behavior. 

    

       Those pages give all of the Military wives a bad name. They are disrespectful and just a low down dirty group of unhappy people in my opinion. I feel like the only wives who like those type of pages are the wives or disgruntled ex husbands. Of wives who have cheated or other wise totally broke their hearts.

      I feared that I would be everything I had seen other wives be. Or so I thought.....

      After all the books , all the blogs and everything I heard from other wives. I found out the one thing that I didn't know or didn't think about.

   

  Being a mom is hard! .... being a single mom is beyond hard.... but being a married single mom well that is the hardest!

    No doubt about it I as single mother for 8 very long years .... FORGOT how hard it is. I never thought that all these Army ( Military ) wives were pretty much married single moms. Yes they are married,  Yes I know that means they aren't single. However with husband's who work all the time, deploy for months to a year or longer at a time. Who deal with being a good wife all while being mom and dad most the time. To Their kids  While nurturing  the  relationship between the kids and their father. They flock to the FRG and other volunteers positions to full their time. While their husband us away and so that they can get out of the house. That they can have their own lives out side of their home and give back to their community.

      Those wives wear yoga pants all the time isn't because they are lazy or slobs. It's because yoga pants are freaking comfy and when your life is all about your kids. Who really cares what they look like when your day is filled with babies, cleaning and cooking. Yoga pants are Awesome  lol. 

  

       Those Military wives who homeschool and don't seem to have a life out side of their kids and husband. Well that is simple to see the truth about once you drop your judgment. They homeschool their kids because they don't believe in the school public  system.   ( or for a million other reasons their are to homeschool everyone's is different. ) 

They make their families the center of their world because that's their heart. They are the ones that matter the most at the end if the day. They pick their kids to come first because even though they are blessed enough to have a had working loving husband. Their husbands work long hours and they don't want their kids to feel unloved. They don't want their kids to think that just because daddy works so much. That they are at all forgotten about. They just want to be their to give their kids the best education and life they can.

    For that I now know that all of those Military wives who I see all around. With their hair a hot mess, a large hoodie or tee shirt on. Wearing yoga pants and just trying to keep her kids from killing each other. In the middle of the commissary on pay day.

Those wives are just like you and I. Maybe they don't have it all together the way you try to make yourself think you have it all down. Maybe that wife your sitting their judging online because you think your better. Is just having a bad day or bad week while her husband is away. Maybe you need to drop what your doing and ask if she wants to hang out. Ask her how she is or see if she wants to grab a cup of coffee. Do what ever you would want someone to do or say if you were having a bad day.

     We are all Military wives no matter the branch. If you are a new wife or a pro at this life of ours.

      At the end of the day you don't know when you will blink and be " that wife ." You never know what she's going through or if maybe just a simple hi. Might change her day and your life forever.

I should know .... 2 years ago I never thought I would be nor did I want to be " that kind of wife ."  Yet here I stand .... or sit as it maybe the same wife I feared. Though through everything I find I am happy , blessed to have such an amazing husband and family. I might not look like a trophy wife , I might not have the cleanest house or have the perfect kids. I might not look like I have a life outside of my family. I definitely spend my days homeschooling my kids and feeling like I need a good nap. However I am happier then I have ever been. My family is my life with out a doubt and I wouldn't want it any other way. 

     From where I'm sitting life is good and gets better every day. I can't wait to see what tomorrow holds.