Before My First FRG Meeting Ever

Sitting here all I can think about is all of the bad things that I have heard and read about the FRG.  ( Family Readiness Group ) There has been time and time again where I have said that I wanted there to be an FRG here at Fort Leavenworth. Yet there still in the past year and a half has not been any hint that there will be a new FRG started at all. 

Until the day that my husband's First Sgt and his girl friend came to the hospital after our youngest son decided to come 6 weeks early. They made it clear that his girl friend was taking the steps to become the FRG leader and that there would be an upcoming meeting. When hearing this I was so excited to be able to actually go to my first FRG meeting but at the same time. I was scared to go to a meeting with out my husband and knowing that my children will be going with me. 

As someone who has never been to an FRG meeting it is something I want to do but I am scared to do it. My husband will be at work so he will not be there with me. I don't know anyone at all here that is part of his unit or heck anyone on post at all. Even though I have tried I have not gotten to know anyone beyond facebook. 

Sitting in my husband truck out side of his company build, with not only our two older children but our baby as well all in tow. I could not make myself get out of the truck no matter how hard I tried. I was scared to death of the horror stories I had heard from other wives or worse happening. I know that every says a " proper " Family Readiness Group was not a wives group, nor a place to have fun and meet people. That It was all about the company and raising money. However I kind of had my hopes deep down in side that I would meet my Leavenworth best friend at the FRG meeting.

I know I know how totally silly of me to think that I would find that person I click with at my very first FRG meeting, or dare I say a whole group of awesome wives to befriend. I knew it had to be done so I took a deep breathe and told the kids to get out and " lets do this thing I guess." Oh buddy let me just tell you that a side from there of course my husband First Sgt's nice girl friend no one really spoke. There wasn't a real chance to make friends and honestly if it wasn't for my husband thinking I should keep trying to be part of this whole thing. I would never go back like seriously never in my life. It wasn't that the wives were awful or that the meeting was really that bad. It was just the officer ( whom rank or name I could not tell you if I tried ) who is running the FRG made the whole meeting a business meeting. It wasn't fun or friendly in any way what so ever in my opinion. He's comments about " the frg not being for wives to talk and it's not a wives club " Made me want to get up then and there and leave. It wasn't so much of what he said but how he said it. As if we were just a bunch of fat ugly, worthless wives who had nothing better to do  then drag out kids to a cold building. To listen to him put us down and act as if he was too good to even be bothering with the frg meetings at all.

I get it really I do but come on, there was only like 4 wives there to start with and some random guys. Some the husbands of those wives and others that were clearly forced to be there. It was uncomfortable enough with out his making his speech about how this is an FRG it is just for information. It is not for fun blah blah blah. Come on now!!

I think I get it , or at least more to the point I get what some men are like when it comes to the FRG. It is not fun and lets face it with the job my husband is doing. He is not going to deploy and heck there isn't really any field training at all. So I am questioning why we cant talk an and enjoy our selves to an extent at the frg meeting. Why can't it be more fun and less like school where you have to raise your hand and wait to be called on in order to ever speak? All I can say is that yes I will return to the next meeting and I will put in more of an effort. I will attend events when I can and when my husband can be there with me. As I might get mouthy if the officer act like he is too good to let wives speak to each other. I know it would be the wrong thing to do but sometimes I can not help myself. More so when I am not getting enough sleep as I am a new mom again. lol

I just want to say thank you to everyone who has helped me along the way and taught me about the frg . How if I don't like it I can always become part of it and try to change some things. I am not saying that I can do it, or that I even have time to do it with 3 kids and their going to Seton/ home study program. However for it being my first ever FRG meeting it is not as bad as I thought it was but not as great as I had hoped. I know I need to find other ways to meet other wives of course. This was a good start to learning to put myself out there and not being scared of what other people think of me. If you have any tips about the FRG or anything to do with the military life or how to do fundraising with the FRG please feel free to share.

Shopping Name Brand For Less

I am not a pro by any means when it comes to saving money. 

It is something I personally work on every single day. There is never a day where I feel like I can not work on saving money. I don't save money because we are poor, my husband doesn't make enough money etc. 

I do it because I really enjoy saving money and seeing the numbers in our saving account get larger. 

One of the ways I have found to save money. 

It is all about timing! 

 I am a huge fan of store that give away discount codes!

My kids are like every other child out there. The want to wear nice clothes and we want them to be dressed well. 

We believe in children representing their families well. 

( I have an up coming blog all about this ) 

However I do not like to spend $100's of dollars on my kids clothes in what seems like a never ending battle. 

Shopping when store such as Crazy8 , Childrens Place, P.S  Aeropostale are our favorites. Though I will say that Crazy 8 is my personal favorite place to shop. 

On the average year I have a budget for $600 to $800 a year on clothes for my kids. $300 to $400 for the spring/summer months and the same amount for the fall/ winter months. I know that that is A LOT of money compare to some other families out there. 

 ( Though we do donate clothes my children have out grown before we bud any new clothes ) 

I like to wait until the online stores have the 60% or more off on there clothes and then on top of that. I normally use a 20% off my whole order discount code. ( yes those things really happen and I love seeing that I get normally a goal of 80% off my order. ) 

When it comes to deals like that I normally spend more money than I plan to. Lucky for me, I always tell my hubby I am going to spend more than I really will. That way he always feels that I am doing great and saving money.... yes I tell a white lie to him. I admit it and I have told him that so times but ya know he is a man and doesn't care much about shopping. 

I know from watching these kinds of sites that May/June , October , January is when I see the best sales going on. That is when I shop for the next season to come or sometimes if the deals are really good like these $2 or less tops or play shorts. I love to stalk up and I will buy items a size up for the next year or even for Christmas. 

It might sound crazy but if I can buy my kids name brand clothes for less than I would spend if I bought their clothes at walmart or a used clothes store. Then YES I will bust my butt to get those good deals. 

You don't have to spend a ton of money to buy name brand clothes!!

Everyone who knows me, knows I am always shopping. 

They all make comments to me about my kids clothes and how they always seem to have new clothes and guess what this is my secret! 

I  buy clothes a year in advance or a few months in advance. 

I store the clothes I buy normally in my closet or in my basement because that seem to be the " catch all " places.

This year adding a new baby to the mix and I already have started to shop for next summer. 

Yes I got each item ^^ for between $1 and $2.99 and my youngest son already has a nice collection of summer clothes for this coming spring/ summer.  

I am by far not a pro at saving money but I am learning more and more every day. If you have any tips to help save money in any area of life. 

Feel free to share!

4 Months Into The School Year

Anyone who has kids and home schools or better yet anyone who has kids. Knows that having kids is hard enough with out fearing that your child will not love school. Learning is so important but how do you know if your children really love there school? 

Has it really already been 4 months since we made the switch?

I promised that I would post an update on my kids moving to the Seton Home Study Program. Yet I never thought that it would be how great it has been for us. I can honestly say that I heard a lot about this program. The good, bad and ugly of this school came out of the wood work. 

Things like....

"There is a lot of book work."

"You can't keep up with the lesson plan day by day."

"The kids love this program, it's unlike any program I have seen. "

" You can customize the program for each of your children."

" You child will do more work in Seton than in any public school I have ever seen. "

Well it's all TRUE!! 

This program is not for those who want to ' unschool. '

After a few months of craziness and doing this program. It is honestly the best thing we could have done for our kids. I know when you go down the list for this program grade by grade. It does look like it will be a lot of book work for the kids. However once you dive on in and see what they are doing in the classes it really is not. 

Here is a look at how my kids get things done every day. 

I am big into writing check list and making it clear what will be done and when. However with Seton we have decided to allow the kids to have the list of what needs to be done for the day. So they can learn time management on there own. They both really do love being able to be free to get things done on there own. 

It's not a perfect picture, its not a commercial grade picture. 
It is just real life  and for us it is what works the best. 

I write subject that my children need to do on the board every night. Along with what they need to get done for that day. ( Yes there are things listed more than once but that is due to my children skipping over items. Then stating that they didn't see some items. So a mom has to do what a mom has to do. lol ) 

When one of my children complete something on the list for the day. They mark  with there color for the day to let me know that they have completed it. It gives them a sense of  accomplishment and control. As much as I know and they know that they are not in control most of the time. It is nice to let them be the boss of what they do and when they do it. As long as they get everything done before dinner they are free to do it in any order they want. 

My kids normally get all of there class work done by 2 pm every day. Then they are free to play, read or do what every they would like to do.

We have already seen the kids grow into these amazing smart future adults. They are loving there class work every day even on the days when they don't get the grade they should have. The big debate right now is that they want to add a class to the work load that they already have. 
So it is still up in the air if they will be allowed to add Latin to there work load this year or not. 
However to go from having children who where said to truly struggle with school. Who did not enjoy going to school at all other than to play with there friends. To having my son say his favorite subject in school is hand writing. When it use to be playing with his friends or lunch. My daughter says her favorite subject is now Science. Which was also her favorite subject in public school however she was learning " baby stuff ." In her opinion now she is learning about what she really wants to learn about. She plans to be a cardiovascular surgeon when she grows up. She loves having the chance to start learning about what is her passion in life. 

I don't know what the rest of the year has to offer but I can only hope that at the end of the year. They are happy and love there school. That they have learned more than they ever thought that they could learn. 

We will keep updating everyone on their progress. 
If you have any questions please feel free to keep emailing me or comment and I will try my best to answer. 

Expanding Into Vlogging

AHH! Here I go!!
Okay so As much as this scares me so badly. I have ( after my husband and best friends telling me to go for it. ) decided to go a head with my vlog on youtube of course. 
I honestly have freaked out big time about this issue. Simply because I am worried that I will get made fun of, no one will watch my videos, I will not be good enough at it or lord so many other crazy things going through my mind. 

I have always had a fear of  people looking at me. I would rather sit in the back of the room and do my work silently than to have someone look at me. I know that everyone who knows me personally knows I am a loud mouth opinionated woman. That is very true however I have a lot of fears about people looking at me and judging me. 

Growing up with a crazy family who puts you down every chance they have ever gotten. Makes me want to run and hide as I know that they will some how find out about my vlog and it will be open season on me. They have gone out of their way time and time again to try to mess up my life. I do not know what I have ever done to these people but I am just done being scared of them. I am done fearing that they will spread their lies and make me out to be trash. 

Most families do not act like this or treat any humans this way but its what I was born into so I guess to me it is normal. I have removed those kinds of people out of my life but still as any one knows who has been abused in the past. The fear is always still there that they will come and try to mess up my happy little life just because they think " they have the right. "

With that said ....  I will be posting post on here with my videos that I will make. I am not saying they will be the best thing you have ever seen. However its one step at a time with everything I do. I know I need to just jump in head first and not be scared of being myself. No matter what others might thank. 

Thank you to everyone who has supported me along the way and that will continue to support me on my next adventure. I could not do it with out  the support. 

- Stephanie 

That PCS Itch That Just Wont Quit

I know I can not be the only one who get it!

First off  for those newer to or not in the Military Life style.

PCS is Permanent Change of Station.

I guess I just love to move and explore some where new. 

Because I am going crazy and I want to move so badly.

It is like for real killing me!

I know that moving is stressful, annoying and it means that I will have to research where ever we are going and maybe even having to apply for command sponsorship. 

None of that matters I am just ready!

It has been almost two years since we have moved.... okay well not fully. We bought our house less than a year ago but still. For me I just love to move around and staying still is annoying.We have been wanting to move since well a few months after we got here. With not loving any of the wives at Fort Leavenworth. Not really enjoying it here until we moved into our new house. We have our list all ready for where we would want to move. Like every other Military wife out there .... or so I thought. 

I am an Army wife and the way the Army works is that your MOS ( job ) can go to select Army post. Some jobs can go pretty much any where but my husbands job can't.

We only have a few places where we can go so we know our list and where on that list we would rather go. 

When the time comes we will get a list of open positions for his MOS and rank. From that he pretty much picks which one he wants and he " applies " to get that job at that duty station. That starts when ever they say it starts and then we wait. Either the higher ups say okay and he gets the spot or he gets told no. If he gets told no he either applies for a different spot or if there are no spots then we play the " Hurry up and wait " game. 

Which is what we have been doing for the past year, just waiting to see what his options are. 

Hopefully we can get some good options and get to pcs with in the next year. 

My best friend is a Air Force wife and I just learned from her. That the Air Force can not do that same thing. That they have to go where ever they are told they are going. 

That you can be kicked out of the Air Force for denying orders. However we are hopeful to get to maybe pcs to the same duty station. I just learned about the equals list and though I do not understand how it works fully. 

So this is a learning process with having my best friend marry into a different Branch of the Military. I am just so blessed that she explains the new things that are part of her life to me. So that we still stay connected. It doesn't matter what branch a wife is in because we are all Military spouses. 

I love knowing that I have friends who understand wanting to PCS. I know I am not totally crazy since other wives feel the same way. I think the wait to find out where we will be moving is the hardest thing about the Military wife life right now. Deployment would be so much harder but for my husband that is not an issue right now. 

I personally know that I would love to go to South Korea. That is at the top of my list right now and I wish we could get lucky enough to find out we got orders to South Korea. 

However the place that we have been stationed that I really loved was. Fort Bragg, NC . 

I know I know so many people say they did not enjoy Fort Bragg but I really loved it.... that could be because I am a NC girl. It could be because I had so many great friends there that even the bad times where pretty good. 

If you have a duty station you love or hate feel free to share you opinion with the rest of us. 

Saving Money .... Couponing Beginner Level

Money Saving Tips Part One

Do you love to save money?

Ever worry about how you are going to ever retire?

Maybe you just want to see the numbers in your savings account go up every month.

No matter the reason I am here to help. 

Let's face it we all at some point worry about the future and need to learn to start protecting our future.

I know all too well just how difficult it is to save money especially when you have kids. We all want our children to have nice things, be well dressed and maybe even have a few things they really want. But with Christmas, birthdays, clothes, shoes,  so many special occasions every year. Not to count school , books , sports and all the other things we pay for. How can you really save any money at all?

Well there are many ways to save money every month. But what about those mom's who don't have extra money, don't have help with paying bills and fear they will never be able to have any money in savings.

I have been there and I am not going to lie it's not easy. Every penny counts!

Start with cutting coupons.... yup you read that right. Those stupid pieces of paper are actually your new best friend. I know I know couponing is great for those who have time to coupon. But you can do it , maybe not like those extreme coupons but enough to start your saving account.

The first thing you need to do is buy a news paper on Sunday and then join a couponing Facebook group. I personally would sit in the parking lot and go through the coupon section. This way if you see some that you would really like more than one of. You can always buy another news paper before you go home.

You Don't Need To Buy 100 Of The Same Item To Save money. I know you see those people with huge stock piles and it seems like too much. I personally do not have a huge stock pile. Even if you only buy one news paper a week you can still save money. I'm not saying you will get rich but it adds up.

Here is my break down of one of my very first coupon trip.

2 liter Coke ( 2 of them ) 2/ $2.50

2 liter Fanta 2/ $2.50

2 liter Sprite

1 small pack of nuts $1

2 face mask

2 laundry soap, 34 loads in each bottle

1 small bottle of dawn dish soap

For a total of $24.42 

From CVS. I only bought 1 thing that was not on sale. That was the pack of nuts. 

Between things that were on sale and a $10 cvs coupon that we had gotten from my daughters coupon trip earlier that week.

We only paid $3.42 for everything!! 

I know it sounds crazy, hard and annoying even 

but anyone can learn to coupon. 

We will be posting more of our Coupon trips and telling everyone what we are learning about couponing. 

If you have any questions feel free to ask. If I don't know the answer then I will point you to the awesome lady who is teaching us to coupon. She is honestly a pro at it!

So far Couponing has been a great way to save money. We put away all of the money we save into our savings account so every penny saved is put away for our future. 

This is only part one and we have a few more parts to come to help anyone who need o wants to save money. 

Here We Go Y'all Resolution Time!

Do you do it?

Do you stick with it?

Well I am just going to be honest about this!

Yes I make a new year resolution list every year. 

However I NEVER  stick with it!

Heck I don't even normally try that hard at all to stick with it most of the time.

I have spent so much money on schools, classes to help me work towards the career I want to do.

I have pinned so many things on pinterest about getting healthy. Working out and doing crafts with my kids.

I have pinned recipes like crazy. 

And yet here I am at 29 years old , the mother of 3 awesome kids and happily married women. 

That has never , not once stuck with any of the things on my list for a full year. 

So I have decided to hold myself accountable this time around. I am posting my whole list on my blog. No matter how crazy, selfish or flat out stupid the things on my list might be. This is what I want to gain or do in the next year. 

And I am NOT waiting on 2017 to start working on my list!

so here we go!

1. write a blog 2 times a week every week for the next year. 

2. Work out 5 times a week,

3. Decide to have a 4th baby or not

4. Eat healthier

5. Be a better mom

You can never stop learning when it comes to parenthood in my opinion.

6. Take time out for myself

7. Complete my schooling ( for now )

8. Clean my house every day.

fly lady is my new best friend and Cozi I couldnt survive with out them.

9.  Get a Tiffany necklace

 My hubby brought it up a few months ago  when we were talking 

about my "push present." For our sweet little boy.

10. Work on my marriage

because marriage takes work every day not 

If you have started you list feel free to tell me one of or all of your list. Mine might not be the best list but it is a good start. 

Good Luck Yall! 

Motherhood is?

Motherhood is

Loving someone more than you ever thought you could. 

Cleaning up after your children. 

Giving birth to a baby / child. 

Adopting a baby /child.

Crying your eyes out at 3am because the baby will not go back to sleep. 

Walking around scared that the world would judge you.

Not caring if the world judges you. 

Playing in the rain.

Cleaning dirty butts.

Repeating  you self 100 times and still they don't listen.

Waking up early just to drink your coffee in silence.

.....

Motherhood is so many different things, it is everything, and nothing all at the same time.

Yet there is one thing that no one ever tells you before you have or adopt your baby/child. 

IT'S OKAY TO NOT KNOW WHAT YOUR DOING!

I don't know what I am doing, none of us really know what we are doing. 

Lets be honest about it. We are all walking around blind as a bat. Searching for answers and holding our breathe hopeful that we are doing the right thing. 

We read all the books, ask every mom group we are in on facebook. 

Read every blog we can find and all for what?

To find out 

that we are in fact good parents. No matter how much the world tells us we aren't.

Our kids are clean, our house is .... " lived in " there is food in our cabnets, and juice in the fridge. 

Our kids aren't perfect by any means but they are ours. 

It doesn't matter if we home school, send out kids to public school/ private school. 

We see that they are crazy but are learning to be good people. 

We are tired.... no that's a lie honestly. We are beyond tired! 

We are....

Cleaning, cooking, baking, running every where, never getting a moment to our selves. Recleaning the whole house because the kids were playing. Laundry is every where, your hair is in a messy bun. Nanny paying, business running, yoga pants loving. Business suit wearing, nail doing, hair pulling....

Every single thing we do no matter how different we do it. 

It is all part of the crazy, fun, loving wonderful, beautiful 

MOTHERHOOD! 

It doesn't have to be the same as anyone else. How our children get there isn't what matters. 

It's that they become happy,  healthy hopefully productive adults. Now that is all that matters.

The tears of joy when they graduate high school or the rough nights where your sitting in your living room. Crying and questioning how you can do it on your own. 

No matter what stage of life you are in. It's all motherhood and you need to know that sweetie you are never alone. 

We are here for you, every single ones of us have been there at some point. 

Maybe not in the same way but that's what makes our journey our own.

Leaving The Hospital.... With Out Our Baby

Waking up today from the few hours of sleep I was able to get has been so difficult. My heart is breaking more with every passing second. I know today will forever scar my heart and change how I personally see motherhood. 

Sitting here all I could think about was....

When I had my first baby I was 18 years old and I can honestly say I had no idea what motherhood was. I never understood that feeling of motherhood. I thought that it was something like loving protecting and parenting a baby into childhood and adulthood. 

But in that moment I knew what motherhood was. 

Motherhood was all the moments

The Good days 

The bad days

The crazy never got any sleep  but I have to get up and make my older two kids breakfast.

While being out of coffee and the baby is screaming his head off. 

And all of the little moments in between.

However I don't feel like a mother right now, I know I should but I don't. 

I feel heart Broken that I am going to have to leave my sweet newborn baby boy here all lone. Heart broken that I will be stuck here waiting on a doctor to tell me when we will get to be a whole family. 

Though I know that this is not my fault I still think it is, I still blame myself for his being born early. 
I should have done something, mentally stopped my labor. 
I know once labor starts there is nothing that can be done really. 
I just wish I could take it back, I wish that I could get in a time machine and put my baby back in where I know he was safe and happy. 

Sadly that isn't how it works and Emlyn will have to stay here in the NICU where even though I know he will be safe. It is not the same as him being home with us and being taken care of by his family. 

I have to breathe deep and try as hard as I can to keep the tears from rolling out of my eyes and flooding the whole place. I know this doesn't make me a bad mom. 
It makes me a Preemie mom and it honestly sucks all the way around. There is no happiness when hes not in my arms. There is just pain and guilt of not being there with him.
I can't even describe just how heartbreaking and awful it is to walk through the doors of the birthing center with out your baby. Watching other families load there new born babies in their cars. As they take there first trip home as a family. 
I tried to keep it together as I am not one to fall apart in public. The moment I hit the seat of the car I totally broke down in tears. Crying my eyes out the whole hour it took us to get home. Then once again crying my eyes out many times through out the hours until I was able to have my baby back in my arms.  
But I have two older kids and a husband and I am going to sit here and put Emlyn's things together every night.
Wash his little baby clothes and match his tiny baby socks. Because I know that I have to get things ready. As hard as it  has been I need to do this for him. So that everything is all ready for when the doctors say he is ready to come home with us.  I know I am lucky that my baby is still living after the losses we have faced this year. So tonight I will count my blessings and hold my breathe until I can hold my sweet baby boy again in the morning.
 If you are not a preemie please count your blessings, and please if you know anyone who has a preemie. Reach out to them and hug them when you see them. Because this is a very difficult thing to go through.

Our 34 weeker! .... Emlyn's birth and the first hours of life.

Hey Y'all

It has been a while since I posted anything and  I love all the emails I have gotten. 

The prayers and things letting us know we are in yalls prayers have been so heart warming. 

For those who don't know here is an update on what has been going on with us. 

On July 2nd 2016, 

My in laws came over to our house to bring us all of the baby gear that they had been buying for us. 

Tons of baby things that I didn't think I needed but oh boy was I happy that I would have for our little man. 

I kept having contractions and my mother in law jokingly said " Oh it's not contractions you just need to sit down ." 

They headed out about 9:30pm to go home and I was still having the contractions. 

( Though I have had them for months so I didn't think much of it. )

Well I should have taken that time to pack the hospital bag that I had been putting off. 

At around 10:30 pm I was in bed trying to fall asleep when  I felt a small amount of fluid come out of ... me. 

My first thought was

MY WATER BROKE! AHH Gotta get off of

my bed so it doesnt mess up our bed!

I have never had my water break like this before but I knew I didn't want to mess up our bed. 

We called my in laws and my doctor on our way to the hospital we planned to have our little boy at.

Freaking out because I was only 34 weeks along. 

I was so scared to death that he wouldn't be okay if he came so early.

My doctor was OUT OF TOWN of course.

So I knew the on call Doctor would become my new best friend. 

It was storming like crazy like it tends to do in Kansas. 

My husband and kids were all freaking out with me that the baby would come too early.

We got to the Birth Center and at that point I thought to myself... of so here we are. They will get me set up and do the Csection tonight I'm sure.

After an hour if that of being watched  they told me that 

I would get one shot to help with the babys lungs.

Then they would be moving me to a room where I would be waiting 2 to 3 days before they would do the c section. 

I was freaking out, knowing how dangerous it was to wait after the water has broken and that could cause infections.

But at least I would be here and we would both be okay.

However that wasn't Emlyn's plan at ALL!

I was moved upstairs to my room ( about 5 am ), my kids left with my mother ( step mom ) and father in law. My other mother in law ( hubbys bio mom ) had all 3 made a plan to care for our older two kids while I was in the hospital. 

With in 15 minutes I was having full blown contractions.

The most painful thing I have ever felt in my life. 

I couldn't breath, think or anything. I just knew to keep trying to breathe through them as much as I could. 

The Nurse kept telling me how great I was doing with those crazy contractions. 

Mean while my wonderful husband who had worked all night the night before and was awake all day with us. 

Was passed out cold. I would wake him up and he would just fall back asleep again. 

At last the on call doctor rushed in and told me that I was going to be taken back to the O.R with in 30 minutes. 

That was is .... Emlyn was coming no matter what anyone wanted. 

No matter how early it was and how scared I was. 

At 6:46 am I was heading to the Operating room for my c section. 6 weeks early.

By 7:10 my hubby was in there by my side trying to keep me calm and I was telling him just how " okay I was. " Even know I knew it was a lie. I was freaking out, feeling light headed like I was about to pass out.

at 7:16am we heard the most beautiful sound....

Emlyn gave a big cry. 

I thought for a slight second that it was all going to be okay at last.

That the worst was behind us and now we could start our lives as a family of 5. 

But the picture in my head didnt match up with what would happen. 

Emlyn was born with the corn wrapped around his throat. 

He was having trouble breathing.

His heart rate kept dropping and that was just the start of it.

by the time I was making my way out of the recovery room that we spent the first 2 hours in. 

Emlyn was making his way to our room with me.... for the first few moments of being in the room at least. 

Then he was taken out to head to the Nursery with my husband and the nurses. 

From there he was no doing any better with breathing and his heart rate so they took him to the NICU.

and from there our NICU journey started with our 

6 pound 14 ounce 

34 weeker!