Before My First FRG Meeting Ever

Sitting here all I can think about is all of the bad things that I have heard and read about the FRG.  ( Family Readiness Group ) There has been time and time again where I have said that I wanted there to be an FRG here at Fort Leavenworth. Yet there still in the past year and a half has not been any hint that there will be a new FRG started at all. 

Until the day that my husband's First Sgt and his girl friend came to the hospital after our youngest son decided to come 6 weeks early. They made it clear that his girl friend was taking the steps to become the FRG leader and that there would be an upcoming meeting. When hearing this I was so excited to be able to actually go to my first FRG meeting but at the same time. I was scared to go to a meeting with out my husband and knowing that my children will be going with me. 

As someone who has never been to an FRG meeting it is something I want to do but I am scared to do it. My husband will be at work so he will not be there with me. I don't know anyone at all here that is part of his unit or heck anyone on post at all. Even though I have tried I have not gotten to know anyone beyond facebook. 

Sitting in my husband truck out side of his company build, with not only our two older children but our baby as well all in tow. I could not make myself get out of the truck no matter how hard I tried. I was scared to death of the horror stories I had heard from other wives or worse happening. I know that every says a " proper " Family Readiness Group was not a wives group, nor a place to have fun and meet people. That It was all about the company and raising money. However I kind of had my hopes deep down in side that I would meet my Leavenworth best friend at the FRG meeting.

I know I know how totally silly of me to think that I would find that person I click with at my very first FRG meeting, or dare I say a whole group of awesome wives to befriend. I knew it had to be done so I took a deep breathe and told the kids to get out and " lets do this thing I guess." Oh buddy let me just tell you that a side from there of course my husband First Sgt's nice girl friend no one really spoke. There wasn't a real chance to make friends and honestly if it wasn't for my husband thinking I should keep trying to be part of this whole thing. I would never go back like seriously never in my life. It wasn't that the wives were awful or that the meeting was really that bad. It was just the officer ( whom rank or name I could not tell you if I tried ) who is running the FRG made the whole meeting a business meeting. It wasn't fun or friendly in any way what so ever in my opinion. He's comments about " the frg not being for wives to talk and it's not a wives club " Made me want to get up then and there and leave. It wasn't so much of what he said but how he said it. As if we were just a bunch of fat ugly, worthless wives who had nothing better to do  then drag out kids to a cold building. To listen to him put us down and act as if he was too good to even be bothering with the frg meetings at all.

I get it really I do but come on, there was only like 4 wives there to start with and some random guys. Some the husbands of those wives and others that were clearly forced to be there. It was uncomfortable enough with out his making his speech about how this is an FRG it is just for information. It is not for fun blah blah blah. Come on now!!

I think I get it , or at least more to the point I get what some men are like when it comes to the FRG. It is not fun and lets face it with the job my husband is doing. He is not going to deploy and heck there isn't really any field training at all. So I am questioning why we cant talk an and enjoy our selves to an extent at the frg meeting. Why can't it be more fun and less like school where you have to raise your hand and wait to be called on in order to ever speak? All I can say is that yes I will return to the next meeting and I will put in more of an effort. I will attend events when I can and when my husband can be there with me. As I might get mouthy if the officer act like he is too good to let wives speak to each other. I know it would be the wrong thing to do but sometimes I can not help myself. More so when I am not getting enough sleep as I am a new mom again. lol

I just want to say thank you to everyone who has helped me along the way and taught me about the frg . How if I don't like it I can always become part of it and try to change some things. I am not saying that I can do it, or that I even have time to do it with 3 kids and their going to Seton/ home study program. However for it being my first ever FRG meeting it is not as bad as I thought it was but not as great as I had hoped. I know I need to find other ways to meet other wives of course. This was a good start to learning to put myself out there and not being scared of what other people think of me. If you have any tips about the FRG or anything to do with the military life or how to do fundraising with the FRG please feel free to share.

To The Army Wife I Wronged

Dear Hurt Military Spouse, 

        I know it has been a long time sense I have really talked to you. That the last time I half ass attempted it was well in all honestly it was just lies. I was not sorry for how I treated you in any way. I did not feel as if I had truly done anything wrong at that time. I felt that I was in the right as I had just been trying to live my own life. I thought that the dead beat I was with was someone that there could be a future with. Thus I needed to make him happy above all others. I know now how really wrong I was back then. I never thought I would be saying these words as I hadn't thought of you in so long. 

      Yet here I sit understanding more than ever the pain I caused you. The way I threw you off to the side as if you were not worth being a true friend to. I am truly sorry for my actions back then and I wish that I could have a do over. I wish I could go back in time and we could just shake it off and go back to being friends. I had no idea what you were going through at that time and how hard it really is to be a Army Wife. I thought you were just trying to keep me from being friends with anyone else or having a relationship of my own. 

        I know now that I will never get the chance to say I am sorry and fix that broken friendship. However I wish to stop everyone from making the same mistake I made. Being a new Army wife or a Military wife at all if hard. It means that you need to make friends every where you go. Even if you have the best friends in the world " back home"  or at the last duty station you were at. You still need to move forwards and make more friends where ever this crazy life takes you. I failed to be a good friend but there were many reasons why that was. It was not because I am a bad friend or because I simply didn't not care. It was just that I felt like I was less than you. I felt like I didn't have money to blow or time as I had wanted to make sure. That my house was clean, and dishes were done. That there was something to eat and that everything was as it should be. That is what I felt was most important at that time. 

      I wish that I could go back in time and ask you what was going on in your life. What it was like to be a Military Spouse and why you seemed to always want people around you all the time. Maybe then I would have known more about this life and what I was getting into the day after my wedding day. However sadly we can not change the past. All I can do is hope that with this very public letter someone will not make the same mistake. I hope that someone will learn to ask what is going one. To be there for a new wife even if we think we know what is going on in her life. To put our selves out there and try to make some new friends even if we are scared to death. 

        Sometimes being a Military Wife is harder than I thought it would be. Sometimes we just need to suck it up and be a friend to someone who needs one even if she will not admit she needs one. 
Help is something that we all need but few of us are brave enough to ask for it. 



                                            Never Ending Lost Girl, 
                                                        Mrs.M



                 

From Civilian Life To Military Wife

                           The New Life Of A Military Wife!

   Married Life in the Military is not what it use to be! The first things you need to know about being a Military Wife are life long lessons.

      I read all the books I could find on Military Life. All the books seemed to say the same thing over and over again.
    Here is what I learned about how to be a great Military Wife!
   

     
      * INDEPENDENCE
  
       The key to surviving a Military Life ( at least as the books all tell it ) .... When I first read that I laughed! Who would think that being independent would be the key to what some call a Dependent life.
      No I don't think that's the key to this life style though it is very much needed. You have to have your own life our side of your husband. You have to learn to spread your wings where ever the Military might take you. Get out of the house no matter what it might be and start building your life. Find a job, join a craft group, a running club. Whatever you are interested on as long as you are not sitting in the house every day. Simply waiting on your husband to get home from work day in and day out.

 


      * THE SISTERHOOD

       This is in my opinion the most important thing you can do. Put yourself out there in the world of Military spouses. No matter what your home branch happens to be. Army, Marines, Air Force, Navy or Cost Guard ( yes to me they are a branch ) Find your self a group of friends. There are sisterhoods out there for every branch. They are there to help you along your new journey. On every post there are Wives Clubs, FRG's  and other special clubs/groups. Get out there and make friends because you will need friends no matter what. .The days get long and lonely when your husband is away. Having friends who are in the same Military Life style as you are will help. They will be there to help you remember why you should smile. They  will help you remember why your part of this life. They will show you the strength of  the Military wife community when you need it the most. Let them love you, support you and don't be scared to be yourself.

  

      * RESPECT THE LIFE
       
      Though I can't say I agree with it so many people refer to spouses as " Dependents ." Or " Dependa " I dislike this word more then any other in the Military vocabulary. It is the most disrespectful word you could ever call me. I'm not a " dependa " simple because I'm a house wife. You have to respect the life and be greatful for it.  This life affords us each alot of advantages that we wouldn't normally have. We get health insurance ,( though who ever said its free lied ) life insurance,  and  an ID that gives is access to every Military instalation in the U.S. ( Yes you can get into other branches base/post. ( To the Army  it's called post ) Using your Military ID not just your branches base/post. We get to shop at the commissary and px. ( or whatever your branch calls it  for us Army Wives it's the PX ) These things are all a privileges and each and every one of us needs to remember to respect that. Those who don't respect the Military and privileges we get as Military spouses. Are often refered to as " dependas" and most of us all too often forget. That we are all dependants of the Military. No matter if you work or stay at home. You still have the same ID as the rest. So respect the life and all that comes with it. Don't complain about it because you never know when you can and will be kicked out of the life style.

  

      * PCS LOVE

   Yes you read that right, PCS Love! ( PCS means Permanent Change of Station ) What I mean by that is you need to learn to love pcsing. I know at first this can be so confusing and frustrating. You get to travel to places in the world. That you never dreamed you could go much less live. Pcsing can be one of the best times in your life or the worst. You get to learn new languages, see new places. You get to explore the world around you. If you chose to ,which I highly recommend. Every where you move there are tons if sites to see. We are luckly to live in a time where we can simply google. To find out about fun exciting things wait for us at our next duty station. Do your home work before you PCS and ask around about your new post. There are tons of Facebook pages/ groups for information about where ever your pcsing to. Use the resources at your disposal. Military Spouse pages and websites are there to help you.

    

      * FOLLOW THE RULES

     Yes there are rules of this Military Life we are all living or joining. Most of the rules are unwritten rules but nonetheless they are all important. Each rule is there for a reason and those who don't follow the rules. Seem to live unhappy short lived Military lives. The happiest wives from what I have seen and read follow the rules and set the standard for the rest of us. Etiquette is a big deal in this life style of ours. There are rules for every occasion and though some don't believe in following the rules. You should at least learn them. Don't think that you can avoid the rules or ignore the rules. They always catch up to you. You don't want to be stuck looking a fool because you don't know what you should or should do or wear at an event.