The Search For Me With 23andMe

Saturday, January 10th, 1987

The day that started and changed everything for me.
It is where I started and where all of the lies and questions began to form.

Saturday, January 10th, 1987 was the day I was born.

From that moment on, every breath I would take and every moment I got I had to fight for. Not only from the normal things but from being a 35 weeker who was born about 4 pounds. A Mother who was a drug addict, with serious daddy issues. Who felt having kids would keep what ever man in her life. A woman who knew nothing of what it truly meant to be a mother to any of the children she birthed.

I fought to get a sense of myself and who I am  from a very young age. Feeling like everything I knew or thought I knew about my family was just more and more lies. As the years have gone by I have learned that the foundation of my " family. " Was based on lies that we were all told by my Grandmother, Mother and Father. To put it simply my grandmother was never married to my grandfather. He was married to another women in another state and had children with her. He was married to her until the day he died. ( before I was born ) This simple fact changed the way I seen my grandmother, not that I had a high opinion of her to start with. That fact explained so much for me about why my family was so small compared to the ones I grew up with. There was no family beyond my grandmother, my mother and her two sisters and older brother ( who lived in another state and we never got to see ) It explained why my grandmother wouldn't answer questions and why I had only seen a picture of my grand father once in my life. It explained why I have never gotten to meet any of the Rogers family that I was part of.

My mother was married to my father for years and he was around here and there. We spend a few summers with him but he was never a real dad. Never like the ones everyone else seemed to have nor was he like the step fathers and other men in my mothers life who seemed to come and go. He was there when he was there and not when he was not and that is just that. The information I know about his family is based on lies I am sure. My mother says that he put himself up for adoption, changed his name from what it once was and from there split from his adopted family. He has no relationship to anyone really from the way he tells it and that was a fight to get out of him as it was. He would rather cut his children out of his life instead of telling any of the 6 or 7 of us about our own family. I was always told he was Italian but that is all I know about him.

A few years ago I decided to really dig deep into where I am from and started researching. At which time I found out that my Grand father on my mothers side had yet another child ( number 11 ) in yet another state with another lady. Who was younger than my mother who was said to be his youngest child. I know that the Rogers family lives in West VA and that they have a family reunion every year. However my bio mother and other family I have no relationship with attends every year and that is why I am not ever going to get an invite. I found out that one of my great great ( many greats ) grand fathers was a Captin during the American Revolution. I started the search of proof for what I need to join the DAR ( Daughters of the American Revolution, an amazing non profit group ) In hopes that I can join and not only volunteer but find out more about my family.

I also found out that my Great grand father  Charles Rogers ( like 5 times to that great or maybe 4 )  came to American from Ireland. For what reason I am unsure as there seem to be a few different stories out there. But anyhow I know nothing really other than what I have found on different family tree websites along with a full family tree for the Rogers family leading all the way back to Charles Rogers but that is where I his a brick wall.

When it comes to my grandmothers side of the family on my mothers side I know pretty much nothing beyond my grand mothers maiden name.

.... So with all of this information I prayed for years about what to do and how I might have a chance at finding more answers. With hardly any information I know that this is very hard to do and I haven't known where to turn to next.

Well that is up until July 16th 2018 when I took a huge step that I have thought and prayed about many many times. I bought the 23andMe DNA and health test to find out if it is possible to find more information with out my family helping me.

On July 22nd, 2018 ( yes a Sunday because it was harder to send it than I thought. ) My amazing oldest daughter helped me by dropping it in the ' big blue thing. ' It was harder to take this step for me not because I don't want to know. It is because I am scared to death about it being another road block to  the answers I crave. I know that sounds so silly but I know not everyone has family members pop up on there. I also know some people have had issues getting results to find out what regions they are from. But here I am sitting and waiting for these results. I am about a week into the waiting process and it freaking sucks!

From what I have read this process can take any where from 6 to 8 weeks on average but I know that some people have had results in a less as 3 weeks. I of course am trying not to get my hopes up too much but it's hard to not get hopeful for early results. I am at the 1st green dot (2nd if your on a laptop but 1st on my cell ) as of this moment where they have not yet gotten my little box. ( Y'all the tracking number is pointless at this point when the updates from the USPS are total crap just saying it went from one place to the next but no longer say where the place is located. )

So that is where I am at and I will update as this process moves along. In hopes that I get some answers to the questions I have always had.

** Update so they are updating something and it will take even longer to get my results. That just not what anyone wants to wake up and read. When they are waiting on results that can answer so many questions they have asked all their lives. However at least I know that at some point I will get my results... maybe .... I think at least but it has felt like forever since I sent this little box off.  **

( all pictures used on this post are my property, do not use these pictures with out first getting written consent from me. )

The Place I Have Always Belonged

Today …. a long year after my last post.

I sit in a place in my life that I have been waiting to hit. The point where I have always dreamed of being. The place I have planned for, talked about and waited what feels like a million life times for.

You know that dream you have for yourself. The one you have dreamt of since you where a little kid?

Like the center of an amazing melting center of your favorite candy bar.
The moment you get the item you have worked so very hard for.
When you get your very first car and freedom you have waited so long for.

Today is that day for me and let me just tell you know that it is the most amazing breath taking time of my life. I couldn't have ever in my life dreamed it would ever be this great.

See I am not like most people or at least not  like most of the people I know or have known.

My biggest dream wasn't some big fancy job. It wasn't a huge house ( Though I will admit I need a larger one than I have most days. ) or a big fancy car/suv/truck. I have always wanted and dreamed of this life.

A crazy, never ending happiness kind of life. The life that I use to day dream about and knew with out a doubt that it was the life I wanted. The life I have always known would be mine one day and oh let me just tell you I could not wait.

Let me just tell you that it is way more amazing than I ever though it could or would be truly.

I am a MOMMY of 4 amazing crazy kids officially!!

I know …. I know …. I am a huge stereotype in many ways when it comes to Military life.

I am a stay at home mom , I have 4 kids so a huge family and to some it may appear like I just keep " popping out " more kids. I am not in the best shape of my life and I pretty much always have yoga pants, a messy bun and a top with baby spit up on it. ( but only while at home or at least that's the lie I tell myself most days. )

However for me, this is it! This is the life I have always dreamed of and it couldn't be any better. My hubby has a job he seems to love, we are learning to set a new path as a family of 6. The kinks are still being worked out but I am honestly loving my life! It is everything I wanted as a child.

It was a long hard pregnancy and the birth of our final baby. Was not what we planned nor was her time after but it has been such a blessing to all be together. ( I will make another post later this week about her birth and the days after. )

Let me just tell y'all as moms we all know when our family is complete and that feeling is hard to explain. I know it's different for everyone but for me I just know I have the life I have always wanted. I have known since I was 12 that I wanted to have 4 kids. ( two boys and two girls ) I wanted to have them close in age but God and secondary infertility had other plans.

I love being a mom to these 4 kids. I cant believe that this is my life and I am so very very blessed to live the life I do. It isn't easy at times and I know its going to be harder when my hubby. Goes off to training, the field and schools that I am sure will come sooner than I would want. However I am happier than I have ever been and I know that Army life doesn't stop just because I have four kids to care for. I know that my hubby and I can handle anything life or the Military has instore for our family.

It still feels like I am dreaming and I honestly am scared that I will wake up at any moment.
It could be the lack of sleep mixed with coffee that has me so excited about being a mommy of four.
But HEY! if it works for me right now than I say pour me another cup and lets do this mommy thing!

This is the place I have always belonged and it feels AMAZING!! To be living the life that I have at this very special moment in my life!

So here's to the sleepless nights, the crazy four kids running amuck. The Military wife life that we all know is never ending stress most of the time. The many many cups of coffee past present and the ones that have yet to be brewed. This life might be crazy but it's all mine!

The View From My Seat

Today, As I was sitting in my kitchen watching the start of the Inauguration of Trump.

Reading my facebook news feed I found myself thinking back to one of my personal favorite Christmas movies.  In the movie you hear the story about how the 'man' wanted to steal all of the things that represented Christmas. He thought that by stealing these items that he could some how stop Christmas from coming. At the end of the movie he learned that he couldn't stop it no matter how hard he tried.

Today I know that there are so many people who are unhappy with who is becoming our President for the next 4 years. I have watched the videos, read the post and heard all of the ' points .' Of why some think that Trump is not our true President and that someone else should be taking office today.

However that is just not the case, Trump is now the President of our country. This is not the first time nor will it be the last one where some people will end up unhappy about who is taking office. Every 4 years we go through this same thing and we will again go through this again in 4 more years.

Can protesting and blasting your anger and upset all over the internet really change anything? .... No

Can spreading hate and anger ever change anything? .... No, at least nothing good can come of it.

This election did not start in 2016 as we as a country put this day into motion years ago. We either voted for or failed to vote for those who are in power right now. Yes I said that! It doesn't matter who you voted for in November. What matters was who you either did or did not put into office long before that. No matter how small your town in, or how large your city happens to be. We as the people are the ones who have the power to make the changes. How many of us sit at home and don't " bother " with voting for anything beyond for the President every 4 years? How many of us talk to our children or the youth at large about their rights to vote? .... How many of us talk to our children about the respect you should have for whom ever is in a position of power? I can say that I honestly did not before 2016  speak to my children about any of these things. I had never followed the president , elections or anything of the kind. It was not a factor in my life because " what does my vote matter when the electoral votes are all that matter."  I would quote that every time I had seen someone blasting all over facebook or where ever. About how our vote matters and to me I was speaking the truth.

I was wrong and so were the bitter teachers many years ago who told me that. Our vote matters, we matter. Our country as a whole matters more than most of us care to admit. We learned about voting for the President in school. Yet not once did anyone tell us about the small things that matter way more than the Presidential vote. The Mayors, Senators, school boards, Governors etc. Each of these votes matter, because these are the people we put in power. With their power comes the power of the electoral vote. ( Yes clearly I spoke of some smaller ones that might not matter as much when it comes to electoral votes but it was the point that every time you can vote you SHOULD vote! )

" Electoral Votes: The Electoral College is made up of  538 electors who cast votes to decide The President and Vice President if the United States. "

We the people have the power, we put each and every one of the elected officials in office no matter how big or small. Into the office that they sit in right now and that is just facts. If we do not go out and use our power to vote every chance we can. Then we are giving up the power to have say in who these smaller officials put in as the head of our country.

To all of those who are so very unhappy with our President right now. I am sorry for your pain and heartbreak. I can only hope that you will like many before you, take a step back from your anger. Take this day with grace and pray for our President to have the giving loving true heart that every President needs to have. That he will love our country as we do and do right by the country as a whole. To all of those who are excited and happy to have someone as the President that you truly believe in. That they think will really ' Make America Great Again.' Take a moment and see that it is not about ' your candidate ' winning or losing the election. It is all about our country as a whole coming together. Being understanding about the upset of those supporters. Of the other parties who did not take office as they had wanted. There are always things each of us can do to make our country better and violence, anger and hurting other in any way is never the answer.

 I encourage all of you no matter where you stand on this issue to. Look to the future and know that the only way to make a true change in this country is to teach our children and grand children and youth as a whole. About the power of voting not only for President but for every elected official. As we all learned in school the only way to change the world is to action. 

This day is marked for ever in history, as the day that our country gained a new President. It is a day we should come together and start thinking of the great things to come. Your party doesn't matter, the color of your skin doesn't matter nor does the amount of money in your bank account. We are all Americans and as such we should be proud that today we have a new leader. We should pray for all those in positions of power no matter who small. Respect that in the coming  hours and days there might be some unhappiness. No one knows if President Trump will keep to his word about things he has stated he will do as our President. We do know that as a country one of his jobs will be to bring our country together. Will he? Can he? Those are questions for another day. However we do know that the anger will once again fade and once again live to vote another day.

At least that is my view from my seat over looking my own little world.