The Place I Have Always Belonged

Today …. a long year after my last post.

I sit in a place in my life that I have been waiting to hit. The point where I have always dreamed of being. The place I have planned for, talked about and waited what feels like a million life times for.

You know that dream you have for yourself. The one you have dreamt of since you where a little kid?

Like the center of an amazing melting center of your favorite candy bar.
The moment you get the item you have worked so very hard for.
When you get your very first car and freedom you have waited so long for.

Today is that day for me and let me just tell you know that it is the most amazing breath taking time of my life. I couldn't have ever in my life dreamed it would ever be this great.

See I am not like most people or at least not  like most of the people I know or have known.

My biggest dream wasn't some big fancy job. It wasn't a huge house ( Though I will admit I need a larger one than I have most days. ) or a big fancy car/suv/truck. I have always wanted and dreamed of this life.

A crazy, never ending happiness kind of life. The life that I use to day dream about and knew with out a doubt that it was the life I wanted. The life I have always known would be mine one day and oh let me just tell you I could not wait.

Let me just tell you that it is way more amazing than I ever though it could or would be truly.

I am a MOMMY of 4 amazing crazy kids officially!!

I know …. I know …. I am a huge stereotype in many ways when it comes to Military life.

I am a stay at home mom , I have 4 kids so a huge family and to some it may appear like I just keep " popping out " more kids. I am not in the best shape of my life and I pretty much always have yoga pants, a messy bun and a top with baby spit up on it. ( but only while at home or at least that's the lie I tell myself most days. )

However for me, this is it! This is the life I have always dreamed of and it couldn't be any better. My hubby has a job he seems to love, we are learning to set a new path as a family of 6. The kinks are still being worked out but I am honestly loving my life! It is everything I wanted as a child.

It was a long hard pregnancy and the birth of our final baby. Was not what we planned nor was her time after but it has been such a blessing to all be together. ( I will make another post later this week about her birth and the days after. )

Let me just tell y'all as moms we all know when our family is complete and that feeling is hard to explain. I know it's different for everyone but for me I just know I have the life I have always wanted. I have known since I was 12 that I wanted to have 4 kids. ( two boys and two girls ) I wanted to have them close in age but God and secondary infertility had other plans.

I love being a mom to these 4 kids. I cant believe that this is my life and I am so very very blessed to live the life I do. It isn't easy at times and I know its going to be harder when my hubby. Goes off to training, the field and schools that I am sure will come sooner than I would want. However I am happier than I have ever been and I know that Army life doesn't stop just because I have four kids to care for. I know that my hubby and I can handle anything life or the Military has instore for our family.

It still feels like I am dreaming and I honestly am scared that I will wake up at any moment.
It could be the lack of sleep mixed with coffee that has me so excited about being a mommy of four.
But HEY! if it works for me right now than I say pour me another cup and lets do this mommy thing!

This is the place I have always belonged and it feels AMAZING!! To be living the life that I have at this very special moment in my life!

So here's to the sleepless nights, the crazy four kids running amuck. The Military wife life that we all know is never ending stress most of the time. The many many cups of coffee past present and the ones that have yet to be brewed. This life might be crazy but it's all mine!

Infertility Problems After Mirena

  October 2006 .... I thought I was doing what was best for me and my life at the time. I knew I wouldnt be have sex. However I also knew after what I had been though in the past I didnt want to risk getting pregnant. 

At the time I was only thinking about my kids and myself. I felt like I couldnt do what was best for us at the same time as what was best for my soul. 

I was young and stupid 

 I found out about a new  birth control option and Lord I wish I had the power and to go back in time. I would find myself and slap the snot out of me because that decision to get a 

Mirena IUD!

That was the stupidest thing I felt I have ever in my life done. 

For the 7 years I had my Mirena IUD in I was in pain, I had cyst

all the time. I felt sick and pregnant for weeks at a time. 

I knew that it was the wrong thing for me, I knew that I should have had it taken out and never put back in ever again. However I didnt listen to myself.

I was scared to death that I would end up with another baby by a dead beat loser who wouldnt help me with anything much less the kids. 

Now a year after I had it taken out I still sit here trying to figure out

Why I cant get pregnant. Why after all mine and my husbands efforts to conceive a baby. 

Still no baby to speak of. We have had miscarriages and heartache and tear oh lord all the tears we have had. 

Now I find myself praying every month hopefully that the test will say positive or that the little line even if its not bright as can be that it will be there for all to see. 

I didnt know the side effects when I got the Mirena, I didnt know everything I wish I would have known but now I know. Now I vow to never in my life time to back on birth control for I know the truth behind it. I know that it hurt my body my mind and my soul on so many different levels. I cant never take it back but Lord I pray that the other people out there do their home work. 

I hope they truly know what they are getting into and the pain they could have in the future if they ever try to get  or want to get pregnant. 

I thought it was the right thing to do until I found the amazing man who would be my husband. 

The man I knew would be the right person to have a family with. 

After years of searching and praying he at last came into my life and here we are.... facing the truth that me might never get to have a child. That our two kids might be our own unless we want to adopt and spend $1000's of dollars on the adoption process. I know Im not alone however its heart breaking

to sit here looking at all these females who are blessed enough to get pregnant. 

It seems like everyone I know is getting pregnant and Im sitting here trying to keep myself from crying like a toddler. 

I never thought this would happen to me. I thought we would be able to have kids when ever we were ready. When ever we wanted to be able to have kids. Thats how all of these commercials for Mirena make it out. They make people believe that they have the freedom to choose and take the IUD out when ever they want to. 

They fail to tell everyone that you might not be able to have kids. You might struggle like we are to try to keep a pregnancy or event o get pregnant at all. 

Do your homework , ask around, google it and talk to your doctor and other doctors for that matter. 

If you ever want to have kids.... Mirena is NOT that birth control you should be using. Im not saying this as Catholic I am saying this as a female who is facing the truth of the matter that my struggle shouldnt be your struggle. 

Check out these links before you get a 

MIRENA IUD

Kelly Martin Speaks